Send us the right messages, and we will deliver independence

After a two year long referendum, a General Election campaign, a Scottish Parliament Election, another referendum generated by right wing Daily Mail readers about xenophobia and economic suicide, and yet another General Election, I remain what the mainstream and right wing UK media, and certain well known Scottish entrepreneurs and writers of children’s fiction, continue to describe as a “Vile Cybernat”.

There are many thousands of us about, and despite the recent crowning ceremony of Colonel Ruthie, Queen of Scots, by the BBC, in denial of the very basics of how democracy works, we continue to flourish and grow in number, in Scotland and, like myself in support of an Independent Scotland, further afield.

The media still will have you believe at any opportunity that we agitators are snarling salivating saltire waving, blue painted faced nationalists in kilts, who have a strong distrust and suspicion of English people, to the point of hatred, and a “Braveheart” fetish. We are vividly portrayed as bully boys, and girls, who can’t accept, or understand, that anyone else is entitled to another point of view.

In the real world in 2017, as it was in 2014, all of that is complete spin and false fantasy. Personally, although I will freely admit to the odd emotional sniffle at the New Year listening to the haunting lament of the Pipes, or Dougie MacLean’s Caledonia, whilst the better for drink, I am by no means a jingoistic flag waver of any great distinction, being firmly an internationalist and a citizen of the world.

I love being Scottish, with our marvellous self-deprecating humour, our sense of community, our heritage, our culture and our survival instinct. It is part of me, of my identity, it is who I am, but it doesn’t make me feel that I am superior to anyone else who is not Scottish. I am no ranting fanatic. I just want the people of Scotland to have the same rights as every other democratic country in the world.

As for being a nationalist, well, in the negative dictionary sense I’m not one of those either. There is a distinct difference between the civic socially responsible nationalism with a small “n” being applied in Scotland and the sinister ethnic version the media continue to try sare to portray of the Scottish National Party, and by very tenuous association, the non-party aligned eclectic mix of mostly left-wing political groups (RIC, Women for Indy, The Common Weal et al) who were, and are, advocates of self-determination for Scots.

The “Ye cannae eat a flag” argument put up to suggest that the agenda of Scots in favour of Independence is all about kilts, bagpipes and the Jacobite Rebellion is puerile and almost as far away from reality as it is possible to be. (Slightly off topic Owen Jones, darling of the new new New Old Labour Corbynite left has been a very big disappointment in the last couple of weeks spouting newfound ignorance about the political arm of the Scottish independence movement).

To be crystal clear (like Kezia Dugdale after consuming too many E numbers) during the course of the 2014 Scottish Referendum. the 2015 and 2017 UK General Election campaigns, and most obviously, during the Brexit Referendum, the only nationalism clearly demonstrated, and on display ,has been of the right wing unhealthy British variety, and the clinging on to one of the last elements of a long gone empire, overconfidence. All of the Better Together nonsense of 2014 about loving Scotland, falsehood which was firmly knocked on the head on the morning of 19th September 2014 in David Cameron’s first speech after the successful no vote has clearly been shown up to be simply about power and using Scotland’s resources and strategic position with regards to defence to retain power in the 21st century. This has been amply demonstrated too by Cameron’s successor as the Brexit debacle unfolds. Scotland voted overwhelmingly to remain in the European Union, yet every attempt by the Scottish government to protect that democratic decision has been met with arrogant intransigence. We’ve been subject to a pantomime of disrespect…….

…..Westminster can we please have our decision respected, with the UK’s final bargaining position reflecting this? No

Ok, can you keep us in the loop then, and consider our views during your preparations towards achieving a bargaining strategy, apart from just the tick box photo opportunity of occasional meetings with devolved governments? No.

Ok, can you give us the okay to bargain with the EU ourselves then? No

We’ve prepared a document of proposals that we think will help the UK as a whole to avoid the economic car crash of a hard Brexit and also protect the decision made by the people of Scotland. Would you like to consider it and adopt these and incorporate it into any decision making on the UK bargaining position? No,

You’ve triggered the process for the UK to leave the EU without considering us at all, apart from how you can use our resources and some of our valued residents as bargaining chips. We have democratically decided through a vote in our parliament to seek that you allow the people of Scotland to have an opportunity to decide, before you actually take us out of Europe against our will, whether we want to follow your Brexit path to isolation or to govern ourselves and seek a continuance of our current relationship with the EU. Can you please give us your permission to do so? No.

You told us now was not the time for a referendum, even though we made it clear we don’t want one now anyway, but at a point in time in the future when the results of your negotiations with the EU are known, citing your opinion that asking voters to go to the ballot boxes would be disruptive and destabilising at a time when you think we need strong and stable leadership. Then you called an opportunistic General Election yourself which ended in a disastrous hung parliament forcing you to get into bed with fringe extremists to retain power. We can see that your power is dwindling, and that we too lost some ground in the polls, so we’ve considered the views of voters and will reset our timescale for seeking a choice for the people of Scotland, taking the immediate heat out of one problem for you, temporarily. Instead we will concentrate on trying to sort out your mess, seeking a compromise with the EU which won’t result in an economic nightmare for Scotland and the whole of the UK. Are you ok with that? No, all you talk about is independence.

It’s as simple as this, without Scotland the remaining United Kingdom is weakened, diminished. To the British State it is imperative that we do not leave them.

In order to protect their power a continuous stream of negative, offensive and false messages about the intent of those who promote the cause of Scottish Independence are spewed out to the people of Scotland at every possible opportunity. Sensational headlines appear any time that they can ram it home by magnifying situations where a crank historian accuses Scotland’s government of being akin to Nazis or a well-connected landowner compares the First Minister to Robert Mugabe, or a fringe extremist abuses a celebrity on social media. I look at the Scottish Daily Express site most days just to count how many of the first six headlines involve the words Sturgeon, SNP, and a combination of capitalised words like “FURY” or, “BLOW TO’ or “HUMILIATION”. Usually it numbers between four and five of the headlines.

Divisively, and whenever it suits a Unionist agenda, the media also subjects Scotland’s neighbours south of the border to the same rubbish. Many of us have encountered , and still encounter, over the last few years situations where a loved one, friend or relative from somewhere in the rest of the UK has made it known that they are fed up hearing about the Scots and they don’t know why the Westminster government pander to us. The reason for this type of comment is clear. Most of them don’t follow politics, why should they, almost everybody doesn’t, and all they ever hear about Scotland in the media is this negative spiteful propaganda.

Why would they then think any different? They are not getting access to a balanced picture. Distrust and disgruntlement is being manufactured and encouraged between the peoples of the Britain who have longstanding close knit relationships, and in reality have no qualms about each other’s views, by the establishment groups who hold the power of the State.

As for the much referenced, to deliberately marginalise the grassroots independence movement, ‘Braveheart’, the only “Frrrrreeeddooomm” I want to see for the people of Scotland is freedom from the likes of the Bedroom Tax and the Rape Clause, freedom from private sector fit for work assessments designed to raise Lazarus from the grave, freedom for mothers to stop having to queue up at Food-banks to feed their weans, freedom to be able to get ill without worrying themselves to death that their sickness pay or benefits are going to stop because they can’t work, freedom to have choices and opportunities to improve the lives of their children, their education, their health, their employment prospects, and freedom for Scots to be able, at last, to have real influence in making a democratic choice of government which, every single time, will represent their views and aspirations for the future.

When the likes of Theresa May or Philip Hammond,from their lofty towers, can sit and laugh and cheer at the defeat of a motion in parliament to increase public sector pay, the wages of health workers, of paramedics, of the police, of firemen and women, of vital workers in society, in the weeks after the horror of Grenfell Tower and the acts of terrorism around England, having only survived in government by bribing a dubious fringe political party with one and a half billion pounds of public money for their province, money which apparently doesn’t exist for areas like the NHS and the public sector, but money than can suddenly be found to ensure their own power, not to mention £370 million that can be found to replumb the residence of one of the richest families in the country, there is something deeply flawed and fundamentally wrong with the way government works in the UK.

With regards to opposing opinions on Scotland’s Independence everybody who is Scottish is entitled to their own view, one way or the other, and is capable of making their own mind up. I fully respect the opposite view to mine. When you read some of the threads on social media debating the various aspects of either side of the self-determination debate it’s often quite disappointing to see the level of anger and bile that is generated from fringe fanatics in both camps. It still appears that some of these individuals cannot take part in a debate on the issues without the discussion becoming ad hominem in nature. I would stress though that these people are a very small minority.

A difference of opinion does not constitute a reason to fall out with someone or lose a friendship. At the end of the day, there are different ways of looking at an issue but everybody with an opinion, although we may disagree with that opinion, is trying to do what they think is best for their Scotland. There can be no disagreement about that. All we can hope for is that an opinion is informed and based on facts.

I am convinced that by Informing and sharing knowledge of the realities of the relationship of the Union partnership with more of our countryfolk, and providing a vision of what self-government can achieve, we will in the end ensure that Scotland becomes an independent nation. The case will become compelling.

I think that more and more Scots will start to see that it is time to change a society which since at least 1979 has been based on greed, selfishness and the ability to get ahead of everybody else, to the detriment of others, the “ME” society.

This recent rebalance of Scottish politics after the one-off SNP surge of 2015 in reaction to Westminster’s broken promises, allowing the media to portray Ruth Davidson as the second coming, will pass. The First Minister of Scotland took the sting right out of the Scottish Tory tail and their rhetoric, the no policies apart from an anti-independence strategy, by setting the immediate plans for legislation on an independence referendum to one side, for the moment. The Scottish accented Tory cheerleader group at Westminster, and their Secretary of State Against Scotland, will need to come up with something else now, and as we saw this week they have already started badly, by not standing up for Scotland in the debate over the DUP receiving a huge bung to keep the Tories afloat.

As time moves on, and the incompetence and corruption of what passes for government at Westminster moves fully into the spotlight, more Scots will see that it is time to work to create a mature self governing nation committed to looking after everybody in it, using the wealth that Scotland undoubtedly has towards that aim. They’ll see that this is what a civilised country should be striving for, not obscene wealth for the few, glory, and the perpetuation of a once global power which is now irrelevant. Brexit will be that spotlight.

To the Unionist and right wing media moguls in London I would say this, enough with the marginalisation and belittling of a nation’s aspirations to govern itself, enough with the stirring up of division between neighbours, enough with the horrible false comparisons to fascist dictatorships, enough with the xenophobia. Learn from the disaster you have created over Europe.

If you want to debate the pros and cons of the possible future impacts of Scotland governing itself, or having full control of its financial destiny, do so honourably. Don’t dwell in falsehood. Challenge the Scottish social democratic viewpoint on social policy, membership of the EU, renewable energy, finance , commerce, strategies for economic growth, constitutional issues and more, if you think you can, but do so pragmatically, not with off-the-wall scary fear tactics. Defend your austerity measures. Let us hear why it is okay in a resource rich first world country in 2017 that mothers must queue for handouts to feed their children. Why a woman would have to relive a horrific and traumatic nightmare in order to receive a few quid benefits a week. Let’s have some honest engagement.

Let there be a frank and open discussion. But before doing so you’d better make sure that the right wing political party who have a slim grip at Westminster, whom you back so firmly, and their parliamentary colleagues across the floor( don’t expect Corbyn to be much better, a left wing putsch leading us all back to a land of post-war style social change is not on the cards, his party having voted for many of the Tory austerity cuts that are still to be implemented) have some policies worth arguing for first, and in Labour’s case, some which the SNP haven’t implemented already, or don’t even bother. The clock is still very much ticking down to an inevitable constitutional crunch, despite what the media tell you, and when the time is right Project Fear won’t win you the argument this time.

Nicola Sturgeon sounded the horn in her statement in parliament this week that it is time for the Yes movement, wide and diverse as it is, to remobilise, refocus, and get started on the work of growing the case for an independent Scotland. Overcoming false propaganda will be one element of that, debunking negative scare stories.

This will require organisation, the more wider spread building of depth in factual knowledge and context, the development of a strategy to build the skills to communicate all of this, and a structure. It is undoubtedly time for us to get moving.

Give us the tools, send us the right messages. We will deliver independence.

The building of “maximum support”

Oh for those heady vibrant days. The R-word (Referendum) hadn’t yet become the R-word, September 2014 was getting closer, and daily, sometimes hourly, inspiration arrived in the form of humour, art, music, visionary prose, film clips, oration, debates, the discussions of happy determined small gatherings, large demonstrations, impromptu song, dance,poetry, podcasts, a cross section of Scottish society engaged in the celebration of hope, of seeing their future in a different light, of something different, something better.

The likes of the National Collective, Women for Independence, the Radical Independence Campaign, the Common Weal, Lesley Riddoch, Derek Bateman, the late Ian Bell, Iain MacWhirter, Robin McAlpine, Gerry Hassan, Alan Bissett, Elaine C Smith, the speeches and stage oratory of David Hayman, words that made the hair on the back of your neck stand up and gave you a lump
In your throat, and much much more.

The film’Scotland Yet’, Bissett’s. ‘Vote Britain, Riddoch’s Nordic Horizons and her book ‘ Blossom’, Business For Scotland and Wings debunking the propaganda guff, the insights into innovative Scottish renewable energy technology, the consideration of Co-operative investment banks designed to promote new businesses and economic growth, not short term profit, conversations on the development of a written constitution for Scotland, enshrining the rights of citizens, the prospects of designing and supporting first class cradle to grave public services, the idea of real local democracy, activists and advocates for a progressive independent Scotland criss-crossing the country meeting people in Scout Halls, Church halls, the back rooms of pubs, the queue in the butchers, and any damn place where more than two people could get the gither.

A common shared vision, very wide in its interpretation, but shared nevertheless, of a better Scotland, a confident Scotland, a Scotland which makes its own decisions about its future direction.

Like a light switch suddenly being turned on, the bulb burning brighter every day. Why didn’t we see it this way before said some?

That is where we need to go, this is what we need to build, this and clear, easily communicated responses to the practical questions, on issues like currency and oil, and debunking the red herrings, without getting bogged down and diverted into how much will a first class stamp cost in an independent Scotland negativity.

We must present the contrast between the vision of what an independent Scotland can be against the reality of what a post-Brexit UK most probably will be as a credible and compelling case for self-determination. In this respect some of that work will be done for us by the UK government.

We, as members of a renewed diverse grassroots Yes Campaign, including the political party and the non politically affiliated have the wit, the abilities,the skills, the determination and the motivation to do this together.

Independence needs to become the norm in the consciousness of the majority.

No one will do this work for is. Much as the media predictably heard what they wanted to hear yesterday Nicola Sturgeon clearly sounded the horn for those committed to independence to take up the cause, and contribute in any way that we can.

It’s time to get organised again. It’s time to make Scotland’s future yours, not Westminster’s.

A shameful bunch

There are no rules anymore. There is no honour in politics (if there ever was any).

The government of the United Kingdom has just bribed a group of extremists with taxpayers money in exchange for providing enough support in parliament to keep them in power.

The Prime Minister, very possibly the most ineffectual leader of the country of at least the last fifty years, and her cabinet, are hanging on by the thinnest of threads after the embarrassment of calling a snap election to increase her majority resulted in a hung parliament.

They have no plan for Brexit. They have little or no understanding of what the implications of Brexit are. They are a ship without a rudder, they have no leadership. Theresa May has not been replaced simply because they have no natural replacement, and with her credibility already in tatters it is expedient to leave her where she is for the moment to soak up the flak, until they can come up with another plan.

In amongst all of this double-dealing, uncertainty, and gross incompetence sits David Mundell and his chinless ‘honourable’ friends, his Scottish Tory colleagues, new on the scene, finding their feet, and doing exactly what the Tory whips tell them to do.

So much for the utterances of Colonel Ruthie, Queen of Scots, a couple of weeks ago, when she assured us that these new Scottish Members of Parliament would stand up for Scotland, they’d do what’s best for the people of Scotland, and think and make decisions for themselves, Bollox!

These lot are just another set of cheerleaders for the front bench of disconnected right wing millionaires and billionaires, all vying with each other to see who can push Theresa the Robot under the bus first without harming their own political careers.

David Mundell surely must resign. After making loud promises that he would not countenance a backdoor deal where his government passed the sectarian, homophobic, anti women’s choice, climate change denying, creationists of the DUP a large envelope stuffed with used tenners in exchange for votes, thus avoiding having to weigh in additional funding to other parts of the UK via the Barnett formula, vowing that he would fight this all the way, he seems to have disappeared, and no doubt will be backtracking today like a Scottish Labour politician when talking about Jeremy Corbyn.

He has to go. He has no credibility.

Colonel Ruthie? She’s desperately trying to spin the sleazy deal as some sort of special city payout, that…cough cough… the Tories have just this week realised that they should give to Northern Ireland, because of its distinct and unique social problems. Honest.

What a bunch of conniving self-serving careerists. Oh for a bit of integrity, standing up for what is right, and for once, thinking of your own people, your own land as a country, and not as a region of your precious lopsided and corrupt Union.

Roll on independence. If it comes in five years or ten, it can’t come quick enough.


“Haud the bus, haud the bus” said wee Davie the Viceroy of Scotland fae oot beside the coos and sheep and the big hairy border fermers.

“Calm doon” says Davie, as he’s trying on his Ermine cloak (he reckons if Ruth Davidson can get away wae fancy dress so can he).

” Whit yeez aw gettin yer kilts in a fankle aboot? Any money that magically appears tae bribe the political wing of the 17th century’s answer tae Pol Pot will also have tae be found for Scotland, it’s part ae the Barnett calculation deal intit. I guarantee it, on my word as a mason. Straight up, nae kiddin, Scotland will get weighed in. ”

“It’ll compensate for the fact that 10 Northern Irish politicians who think being gay is a sin that attracts the burning fire, kind of like being a Roman Catholic, that global warming is a confidence trick invented by the polar bear loving Eyak tribe of Alaska, and that dinosaurs used tae chase Adam and Eve around the ancient forests, will have more control over decisions about Scotland’s future than the people of Scotland will” says Davie.

How much are these anti- progressive fringe extremists getting in exchange for propping up your frighteningly incompetent government then Davie?

” Oh, about 1.5 billion pounds.”

Is that the same taxpayers money that voters the other week who wanted investment in the NHS, housing and public services were told by Theresa May that doesn’t exist because she “doesn’t have a magic money tree”?

” Uuuum, yes, but…….”

So in reality following this Barnett formula how much more money for public services will Scotland get as a result of this sleazy deal Davie?

” Nil, niente, the middle of a
doughnut, nuthin”.

The honourable thing to do would be to resign. Will he do it? No chance. There’s a warm seat in the Lords with his name on it.

Don’t tell him your name Pike

Now that the image burning the back of your eyeball of Field Marshall Davidson in military uniform marching up and down the esplanade has passed out of immediate consciousness can we expect at any moment a sudden coup, or even a herd of coos, at Holyrood? Will there be columns of tanks rolling down the Royal Mile (they’ll ruin the cobbles) like a throwback to 1950’s Eastern Europe?

With all this militarism seeping into daily life can we expect to see, God forbid, Baron Mundell to be, the High Viceroy of North Britain, to appear in britches, knee length riding boots and the red tunic of the Household Cavalry, promoted to the honorary post of Brigadier in charge of tail weaving perhaps? He’s already got the pointy hat, it goes with his pointy heed.

Things were bad enough in 2014 when in the run up to September’s vote the citizens of Scotland couldn’t gather in groups of more than four people outside the Co-op without a fly past of the Red Arrows turning up forming the word NO in giant contrail letters in red, white and blue in the sky, but Unionist politicians are increasingly using a non political organisation with a strict code about not getting involved in politics, precisely to avoid conflicts of interest and accusations of bias. to mask their own failures as governments, or to divert the attention of the public away from other important issues of the day.

Quick, send for the marching bands and the bunting, nobody will notice that the EU are walking all over our negotiating team and laughing at David Davis.

C’mon now. Let’s have another rousing chorus of the ‘British Grenadiers’ that’ll take the great unwashed’s minds off our greed, negligence and cutting corners on H&S regulations.

Get the papers full of photos of a royal, any one will do, with a chest full of shiny medals that would make the ghost of Idi Amin weep with envy saluting a march past. Nobody will notice then that granny has been lying on a trolley in the corridor of the hospital for 12 hours because there are no beds.

As for Ruth Davidson I wonder where this meteoric rise will lead next?

Since her party’s rout of the SNP in the general election, soundly thrashing them 13 Tory seats to the SNP’s poultry 35 seats, a victory so significant in its magnitude that an STV reporter reckons Nicola Sturgeon has been sent homewards tae think again, Ruth has been added to the London Tory Cabinet meeting list, been anointed Ruthie, Queen of Scots by the Scottish media, been made an honorary Colonel in the Signals Regiment, what next? Could it be? No, surely they wouldn’t? They wouldn’t have the brass neck to do it would they? Yes they would.

Look out for a Scottish presence being introduced to the Brussels negotiating table, to talk about all of those fish, and to demonstrate that Scotland has a voice. It’s just that the voice won’t be the First Minister’s or Mike Russell’s. It’ll be Ruthie’s.

As the elevation recently of failed Tory General Election candidate Ian Duncan MEP to the Lords and a post as a Scottish Office Minister shows, when democracy doesn’t suit a UK government that is not a problem, they just ignore it and do what they want anyway.

Bearing in mind that even the dinosaurs of the DUP are ripping the pish out of the Tories publicly for their lack of weight or expertise in negotiations towards the partnership of bile the addition of Ruth Davidson to the Brexit Team would not come as a surprise.

A taxi for the golden hat

Oh dear. Aul’ Liz turns up in casual gear designed tae look like an EU flag, to read out the verbose rubbish she’s been handed by the circus clowns who pass for the UK government, with not a hint of a golden hat about her, and her binoculars and a copy of the Racing Post in the back of the motor.

She’s racking her brain on the way out of the chamber as to whether she can ever remember a government quite as incompetent as this bunch of chancers and snake oil wallopers.

The Crown itself was so pissed off with the current government that it took it’s own transport to the big Do. So much for mucking in with austerity measures. No matter, the extra £370 million of taxpayers money arriving through the Buckingham Palace letterbox shortly will help with the petrol money.

In the slim hope of hanging on to power most real Tory policy plans, the nasty ones, from the dementia tax, stealing the weans school lunches, and reintroducing the chasing of wee furry animals around on horseback,and then drinking port whilst laughing and watching a pack of dogs disemboweling the aforementioned wee furry animal while it’s still alive, have been quietly sidelined.

A night of the long knives is coming. The right wing of the Tory party are circling like salivating hyenas. Theresa,the robotic appeaser of a narcissistic misogynist property speculator, ain’t long for high office, unless they want her to remain simply to take the rap for the unfolding Brexit disaster.

Strong and Stable? This is now a farce, and frightening.

Breaking news…

This blog has been fortunate enough to acquire a section of one of the several draft versions of today’s Queens Speech at the traditional ceremony of much pomp and flatulence, the State Opening of Parliament. We’re not sure how high up the list of drafts towards the final speech this version is but we figure it must be in with a shout….

“My Lords and members of the House of Commons.

My government, whomever they turn out to be, Blue, Red, Bitter Orange, Indigo or a combination of some, or all of them, will, as is the accepted custom, legislate entirely in the interests of the privileged in our country. It will continue to develop a two tier nation approach, making sure working people subsidise the rich, quashing aspiration, crushing the most disadvantaged and using the media to propagate suspicion of minorities, immigrants, the poor, and crucial to their maintenance of control, keep the different parts of our country under the governance of a central power.

My government will continue with its long-term economic plan, acting with untrammelled wanton arrogance, endangering the financial security of the many at every stage of life. They will continue the work of deceiving tax payers into believing that they are bringing public finances under control and reducing the deficit, a deficit and a national debt that they are in fact increasing, under the guise of ensuring that Britain lives within its means. Further to this measures will be introduced to further raise tax relief for the corporate and financial sector, funded from the associated decrease in living standards of the general population.

My government will negotiate the United Kingdom’s withdrawal from the European Union, and once this has been achieved will renegotiate a new relationship between both parties. I don’t have the first clue how they will achieve this successfully, and neither does my government. From the discussions I have had with the current precariously placed Prime Minister on this subject, the last of which being of so traumatic a nature that my dear husband felt the need to retire from public life there and then on the spot, I can only assume that they will attempt to do so by bluff, bluster, by the seat of one’s pants, and via the benevolent auspices of a fair wind.

In preparation for new employment laws being introduced, once all of that workers protections and health and safety cobblers of EU legislation has been scrapped, legislation will be brought forward by my government to help achieve full employment with the increased usage of zero hours contracts, providing more people with low pay, low value, low satisfaction, insecure job. New duties will require my ministers to report annually on the abolition of permanent employment where possible and successes where skilled high salaried profit-reducing employees have been replaced by trainees or a computer App.

My government will continue to legislate for high-speed rail links between the different parts of the country, as far as Newcastle. My government advise me that the Scots don’t ever need to go anywhere fast.

On the subject of Scotland, my government will also bring forward legislation to secure a strong and lasting constitutional settlement, as it is, and as it has existed for over three hundred years. cementing in stone our great Union, re-centralising previously devolved powers which were originally designed to hamstring limited devolved governments, and retaining all powers returned from the European Union, especially regarding fishing and agriculture, to Westminster. This will impact the current temporarily devolved powers in Scotland and Wales. Neither my government nor I have the foggiest idea of how things will turn out on the Island of Ireland as we seem to have messed things up there rather royally (oh dear haha, one referring to one) once again. All we can hope for is that my government’s incompetence and poor judgement does not result in violence.

My government will continue to entirely ignore, pretend to work in cooperation with, or pay lip service to,the devolved administrations on the basis of mutual loathing.

My government will bring forward changes to the standing orders of the House of Commons. These changes will ensure any Member of Parliament with an accent further west than Chester or further north than Coldstream never gets the opportunity to impact decision making in the House of Commons ever again. Currently these changes will not impact any Member of Parliament from our Northern Irish province who is able to utter the phrase ” No Surrender!” My government reserves the right to review this measure as appropriate.

Measures will also be brought forward to further promote extremism through the media and tackle social cohesion and community activism, which my government find to be a real headache. Therefore new legislation will modernise the law on communications data, upgrading spyware to systematically record photographs of cats, granny’s lunch at the new franchised restaurant in the retail park, and young Toby and his mates with condoms on their heads, whilst having a pint at the airport at 7am before flying to Magaluf.

My government will bring forward detailed proposals for a Great British Bill of Reduced Rights. You will be informed of this all in good time, all in good time.

Members of the House of Commons.

Estimates for the public services will be laid before you. You will note once again that there are a few less zeros at the end of the figures listed on this occasion.

Other measures will be laid before you….”

Qui est ce walloper ? A simple tale of incompetence

That’s it underway then, the Brexit process has begun.

We can all relax, eat a cadbury’s caramel, and let out that long slow release of the breath we have been holding in during the tense months leading up to this moment.

Thank goodness we can rely on the UK’s Tory government to do the right thing, and what’s best for its citizens since their overwhelming and outstanding majority win at the polls recently, and, as the BBC keeps telling us, their massive northern victory, sweeping all before them in Scotland, winning every seat, and scattering the separatists in a rout. We can have the utmost confidence in them.

David Davis, finely honed, negotiating skills chiseled to a peak condition of alertness following months of burning the midnight oil in secret mock EU negotiations with Jeremy Paxo and Andrew Neil volunteering to play the parts of evil Johnny Euro, and supplemented by early morning training runs. as the sun is coming up, down the Mall, with the strains of the Rocky theme blaring in his ear, culminating daily in hordes of bewildered tourists taking photos of a strange looking man in an England track suit and a bobble hat jumping up and down with his arms outstretched, Buckingham Palace at his back, facing Europe and chanting “bananas, bananas you can keep your fucking straight bananas”,has been to Brussels and had a preliminary tet-a -tet with Michel Barnier, the chief EU negotiator for the UK’s Brexit divorce.

For months we’ve been hearing about how Britain is going to impose itself upfront and early on in the negotiations to make sure that the right tone is set for the “best possible outcome”.

Davis has previously said that he would be pulling out all the stops to ensure that a two-track process would be put in place where the UK’s exit would be negotiated at the same time as a future post-Brexit deal, a veritable master stroke of British master-planning, cunning and superior intelligence, to ensure the best deal for Britain.

He’s suggested on a number of occasions that he would be steadfast in seeking this outcome, and that if he was challenged on this matter there would be ‘the row of the summer’ something akin to Muhammed Ali and Joe Frazier standing toe to toe knocking lumps out of one another.

Ummm. Nope, none of that happened.

The first meeting is over, the UK having caved in, and Monsieur Barnier in the EU corner is entirely satisfied with the outcome, having only had to mention the G-word (Gibraltar) once, very quietly under his breath, whilst coughing, and very early on in the day, and suddenly a schedule to move forward entirely in line with the EU’s proposals was agreed by a very sweaty surrendering Davis, in as clear a case of overconfidence outstripping actual ability as has been seen since Canute tried to stop the tide coming in.

Michel Barnier said after the meeting that there will be substantial consequences from Brexit and that he was “not in the frame of mind to make concessions or ask for concessions”.

Any deal on a future UK relationship with the EU will be way down the road, after the EU’s major priorities have been dealt with first, the treatment of EU citizens in the UK and UK citizens in the EU, the more than substantial divorce bill, and the treatment of borders, particularly what’s going to happen in Ireland.

Our sources at the EU, who are still pissing themselves laughing, say there is no truth in the rumour that once the lunch-break in negotiations was over, Monsieur Barnier, who was just finishing off his post-meal cognac, seeing that his faithful pet, a poodle known as Marcel, who had been patiently sitting under the negotiating table all morning, needed a comfort break, asked Davis to take the pet out for a quick walk and nonchalantly handed him a plastic bag just in case, just as the Englishman was trotting out compliantly to the government complex’s gardens behind the dog. There is no truth in that rumour at all.

Mercifully though Davis did manage to notice, as the afternoon wore on, that one of Barnier’s aides, who had made the excuse earlier that he had dropped his phone under the table, had in fact tied the UK Brexit Minister’s shoe laces together. Could have been a nasty outcome that, an international incident was thankfully averted.

An obviously relieved that it was all over, and clearly out of his depth, David Davis, in the media conference afterwards, said that the talks had been very productive, but neglected to say for whom.

I suggested in yesterday’s blog that this was likely to be a week where,by the end of it, we’d see the Tories coming over all Churchill, Daily Mail and White cliffs of Dover. We didn’t even manage to get to Tuesday as Davis decided to make reference to the wartime leader in his closing comments to the press, treating them to…….

“As Winston Churchill once said, the pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity; the optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty. There is a long road ahead, no doubt with many twists and turns, but our destination is clear.”

The only problem is that Churchill never actually said this. Experts reckon this quote has been wrongly attributed to him. The Tories cannae even get that right.

Not a good day for Blighty in Europe. Not a good day at all. Back to the drawing board time for the lads of Eton and the robotic leader. Going into such negotiations with no plan other than to stand in the middle of a meeting room singing Rule Britannia really really loudly doesn’t quite get the job done.

What Davis would have been better saying yesterday, in his closing speech, would have been an appropriate Scottish phrase, a phrase which currently is more salient than anything he did actually say. He should have said ‘never cast a cloot till May is oot’.

If only they’d read that document Nicola Sturgeon sent them…..


He just had tae get a wee dig in, didn’t he.

The Lord High Viceroy of North Britain, now hoisted up to the dizzy heights of having assorted part time fitbaw referees, ex naval officers and current navel gazers look up to him as a seasoned stalwart of Scottish political life, heaven help us, the emboldened David Mundell, has been let out of his red, white and blue box again to take yet another swipe at First Minister Nicola Sturgeon.

The man who is thought to spend much of his spare time walking his neighbour’s pet bulldog on a long leash,answering fellow dog walkers polite hellos in the passing with the grumpy sideways response, like Scrooge before his three visitors, “nobody wants another referendum” has suggested that there is no possible way that a referendum on self determination for Scotland could be countenanced at least until 2021.

This whilst his political party is gearing up for two significant events this week. One , the start of the lucky dip that will be the Brexit negotiations, as their clueless and directionless representatives engage in preliminary talks with Monsieur Barnier and his EU colleagues, and two, the damage limitation they may have to start upon later in the week when surely to God the big robotic tin wummin eventually gets the internal vote of no confidence, handed her jotters, and the party spin doctors start spinning some sort of tale about their grand secret plan for Brexit not being in trouble because of a change of leader because it’s so good a plan that it doesn’t matter who leads the country at the time, because we’re British, damn your eyes Frenchy!

The Daily Mail will be invoking Winston Churchill, with pictures of the cliffs at Dover, before the week is out.

This being the case he’d be as well keeping his head down, old Fluffy. lest he gets tarnished by being one of Theresa’s team. There will be a lot of flak flying about shortly, and he’s going to need to practice his ‘I’ve always liked Boris, and or David,’statement in front of the mirror to appear sincere when the time comes, and importantly for him, if he’s going to have any chance of keeping that cushy job of his, now that there’s a choice of Scottish Tories (thanks again Kez).

Snidey wee asides about Nicola Sturgeon immediately after the result of last year’s EU Referendum, organising “grand events at Bute House”‘ are kind of typical of the man.

I think, if Mr Mundell was to cast that great mind of his back to the events immediately after the vote last year he may remember that the main focus of Nicola Sturgeon’s speech to the assembled media in Bute House that day was about the human fallout of the decision, and what she, as leader of Scotland ‘s devolved government, intended to do to assure and protect the hardworking, valued and welcome EU citizens who have chosen to make Scotland their home.

As for his assertion that the First Minister was indulging in a ‘vanity photo’ when she was photographed signing a letter to his insipid leader who does he think he is?

Nicola Sturgeon is the democratically elected leader of the party which the people of Scotland have chosen to be their party of government, both in Scotland, and despite what the BBC says, the majority at Westminster. The man shows nothing but utter disrespect for the parliament of his country and far worse, the people of his country.

Vanity photos? Does he mean like the ones last week of himself and Ruthie, Queen of Scots, sitting on the end of Theresa May’s inner Cabinet team (usually he struggles to even get in the room, and Queen Ruthie isnae even a member of that parliament) , or perhaps he’s thinking of the phoaties of his rapidly departing arse out of the emergency door, rather than speak to the locals, on the day he decided it would be a good idea for a Tory MP to turn up at the opening of a Foodbank.

This mob are in chaos, and the only things that are keeping them together, and in power, are the steadfast backing of the media and their own brass-necks.

Watch what happens though when the back bench knives come out and the Tory government descend into a frenzy of power lust, blame, dodgy dealing and survival mode.

Classic Julius Caesar it won’t be. Carry On style Kenneth Williams “”Infamy, Infamy, they’ve all got it infamy” will be more like it, and surely can’t be too far away.


The Tories are in chaos. The delays caused by their continuing talks with the red-handed bowler hatters are seriously putting the chances of the auld lady of London seeing her choice in the 1.30 at Royal Ascot, Lizzy’s Lad at 12/1, from the stands instead of on a jewelled IPad in an anteroom in the Palace of Westminster, in severe danger.

The wee wummin in the golden pokey hat is said to no’ be very chuffed at the prospect of having to drone through the DUP’s first Queens Speech whilst the gee gees are lining up at starters orders.

The prospect of reading out policy drivel about pledges to round up and intern all Catholics in the north of Ireland with a vowel in their surname, or first name, or even street name, and the banning of the words ‘Mass’ and ‘Gay’ and ‘ Global Warming’ once the party of Irish extremes finishes off their protracted negotiations with the former Westminster government, talks that will ensure that Theresa May and her band of circus clowns will provide an informal confidence and supply arrangement to the British (definitely not Irish) new wagger of the dog, is not filling her majestic-worshipful ness with much enthusiasm.

Meanwhile the main creator of the chaos, the bold strong and stable yin herself, having shut down the annual obscenely wealthy troughing of bankers, wankers and Hedge Fund managers at the Mansion house dinner ( no doubt it will be rearranged soon, when they feel they won’t be criticised for it) has made a flying visit to the site of the horrific tower block fire in London, an incident that has made us all weep at the terrible loss of life this week, as the events unfolded, and the sad toll of those gone or missing rises.

In she pops, gets her phoatie opp with the exhausted and traumatised emergency services, the folk putting it all on the line to help their fellow human beings, doesn’t speak to anyone remotely connected to the victims or local residents, and stoats off again. She just disnae get it, does she?

I shook my head at the comments of our pal, friend of the Indy Movement, (not) Laura Kuenssberg, on the subject, when she said not meeting residents could ” prove to be a miscalculation’ because events like this ” can require real displays of empathy” CAN require Laura? I think what you mean is DO require, and on every occasion, we are talking about the lives of human beings. Theresa May just doesn’t have it in her.

I could never be described as a royalist in any shape or form but you can bet your bottom dollar the aforementioned wee Liz will be up off that priceless throne and down to the hospitals, and on the site of the tragedy when it becomes clear that a visit from her won’t impede the emergency services continuing efforts, and she will talk to the families of the victims and the people who live there. A tragedy of this magnitude is not a political photo opportunity to try and yet again look like you are a strong leader, when the fact is that you are a frighteningly weak one.

Coming up very soon for Theresa is a round table get together with EU Commissioners for the start of the Brexit negotiations…. God save us! Talk about a sinking ship.and no lifeboats!

…. Yet the media still managed to convince some in Scotland that Ruth Davidson and her Scottish shock troops are amazingly somehow not a part of this cauldron of raging incompetence.

Take Indy off the table? Not on your life…. It’s more important now than ever.