Don’t tell him your name Pike

Now that the image burning the back of your eyeball of Field Marshall Davidson in military uniform marching up and down the esplanade has passed out of immediate consciousness can we expect at any moment a sudden coup, or even a herd of coos, at Holyrood? Will there be columns of tanks rolling down the Royal Mile (they’ll ruin the cobbles) like a throwback to 1950’s Eastern Europe?

With all this militarism seeping into daily life can we expect to see, God forbid, Baron Mundell to be, the High Viceroy of North Britain, to appear in britches, knee length riding boots and the red tunic of the Household Cavalry, promoted to the honorary post of Brigadier in charge of tail weaving perhaps? He’s already got the pointy hat, it goes with his pointy heed.

Things were bad enough in 2014 when in the run up to September’s vote the citizens of Scotland couldn’t gather in groups of more than four people outside the Co-op without a fly past of the Red Arrows turning up forming the word NO in giant contrail letters in red, white and blue in the sky, but Unionist politicians are increasingly using a non political organisation with a strict code about not getting involved in politics, precisely to avoid conflicts of interest and accusations of bias. to mask their own failures as governments, or to divert the attention of the public away from other important issues of the day.

Quick, send for the marching bands and the bunting, nobody will notice that the EU are walking all over our negotiating team and laughing at David Davis.

C’mon now. Let’s have another rousing chorus of the ‘British Grenadiers’ that’ll take the great unwashed’s minds off our greed, negligence and cutting corners on H&S regulations.

Get the papers full of photos of a royal, any one will do, with a chest full of shiny medals that would make the ghost of Idi Amin weep with envy saluting a march past. Nobody will notice then that granny has been lying on a trolley in the corridor of the hospital for 12 hours because there are no beds.

As for Ruth Davidson I wonder where this meteoric rise will lead next?

Since her party’s rout of the SNP in the general election, soundly thrashing them 13 Tory seats to the SNP’s poultry 35 seats, a victory so significant in its magnitude that an STV reporter reckons Nicola Sturgeon has been sent homewards tae think again, Ruth has been added to the London Tory Cabinet meeting list, been anointed Ruthie, Queen of Scots by the Scottish media, been made an honorary Colonel in the Signals Regiment, what next? Could it be? No, surely they wouldn’t? They wouldn’t have the brass neck to do it would they? Yes they would.

Look out for a Scottish presence being introduced to the Brussels negotiating table, to talk about all of those fish, and to demonstrate that Scotland has a voice. It’s just that the voice won’t be the First Minister’s or Mike Russell’s. It’ll be Ruthie’s.

As the elevation recently of failed Tory General Election candidate Ian Duncan MEP to the Lords and a post as a Scottish Office Minister shows, when democracy doesn’t suit a UK government that is not a problem, they just ignore it and do what they want anyway.

Bearing in mind that even the dinosaurs of the DUP are ripping the pish out of the Tories publicly for their lack of weight or expertise in negotiations towards the partnership of bile the addition of Ruth Davidson to the Brexit Team would not come as a surprise.

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