Just keep smiling. Nobody’s noticed there’s a hole in the arse of your trousers.

It’s all just getting just a wee bit too bizarre now, this political survival game.

Kidding on that nothing has happened over the last week, apart from a magnificent, all powerful, sweeping Tory victory, Theresa May has expunged her soul of all negative energy by prostrating herself, wrapped in a union flag, on a cold stone floor in front of the cloven -hoofed, black- cloaked Tory 1922 Committee (nasty bunch of feckers) before self-flagellating herself with the strap from one of the Iron Lady’s auld handbags for a good hour in the middle of a wheat field in Sussex whilst chanting “I am Strong and Stable, I am Strong and Stable”.

Purged in her own mind of the very obvious failings that the rest of us can see she’s off and running again. invigorated, on what is likely to be the wackiest period of government the UK has seen since Ted Heath asked those nice coal-mining chaps to turn off the lights so that we could all play cards by candlelight at nights.

A heid-less chicken comes to mind.

Still trying to navigate her way through the K-tel ‘No Surrender hits of the 1970’s’ double album ,
there seems to be little or no consensus yet between her and her new worthy brothers and sisters about an agreed policy programme for the new parliament.

Apparently the Prime Minister has finally compromised and caved in on sending a shipping tanker load of wooden pallets to the province in time for bonfire day on 12 July, but is still holding out on the request by the DUP for Pope Francis to be delivered with it. Ms May, playing for time, has blamed EU law for her inability to subject the former Cardinal Bergoglio to a touch of extraordinary rendition, whilst making sure that she remains vague about her own spiritual upbringing whilst in the presence of her new colleagues.

As a result of the ten members of the Northern Irish party of extremes wagging the dog it looks too like the old lady of London, fresh from an appearance on George Clarke’s ‘The Restoration Man’ where the challenge was made to do up her ramshackle home for only £370 million of taxpayers money, will have to shuffle her diary about a bit, before reading out the twisted spite which passes for Tory policy (no doubt enhanced by their new connections to yet more extremism) during the pomp and ceremony of her traditional post election, but now delayed, Queen’s Speech. How inconvenient.

It would appear too that all of the self inflicted chaos created as Theresa May hangs on by the tips of her fingers to power may mercifully result in the Brexit negotiations being delayed.

That can only be a good thing at this point. Although if you happen to be down at Ocean Terminal in Leith, and whilst popping into Boots or Vision Express notice that a certain Royal Yacht seems to be missing from the dockside on the Forth, don’t worry, it will just mean that Theresa May has coaxed the old darlings out of retirement to go and schmooze some EU commissioners over canapés whilst she try’s to work out what the feck she is going to do to try and avert a self- inflicted economic disaster for the UK.

I note too that Ruthie, Queen of Scots’s meteoric rise continues as she is invited to sit alongside the now even more smug newly improved Viceroy Mundell at the first meeting of the new cabinet.

Crying magnanimity and pragmatism from her lofty height, in all her regal wisdom, good Queen Ruthie, god bless her, is trying desperate sair to portray an image to Scots yet again that although she is a Tory she isnae really a Tory.

Apparently her new shock troops at Westminster will have an air of independence in their decision making, there’s an irony in there somewhere, and will vote how they best see fit to serve Scotland’s interests. Somebody please check their voting record in about three months time and let is know on how many occasions any of them vote against their masters will you? I think we can all say with a reasonable certainty that it will be zero, the middle of a doughnut.

It’s time, according to regal Ruthie, for the UK government to include others in their decision making and strategising over the Brexit talks, no shyte Ruthie, Nicola Sturgeon has only been saying that same thing every day since the end of June last year. Well spotted.

Watch out though folks. It’s not beyond the realms of possibility that, brass necked as they are, Theresa May decides to include Queen Ruth in her negotiation team for Europe and starts telling us all that she respects the great partnership of Union so much that she has included someone to represent Scotland at the bargaining table.

There goes that flawed arithmetical question again. Is 35 more, equal or less than 13?

Democracy? What democracy?

Don’t believe the hype

That’s it all sorted then. The Union that started off with nobbled bought-off nobles and months of riots in the streets in Scotland, and services of thanksgiving in cathedrals and lit beacons of celebration on southern cliff tops in England, is safe for another three hunner odd years. Bless us all.

Awash with sycophantic plaudits at her marvellous, resounding, and stunning victory, the BBC having managed to convince the Scottish public that the number 35 is actually less than the numbers 13, 7 and 4, or even the three numbers combined together at 24 (that will no doubt be the SNP’s fault again as their education policies are apparently so bad that nae fecker can count) the soon-to-be perpetually worshipped monarch of Scotland, Ruth Davidson, the saviour, will be crowned in a refurbished royal chamber at Linlithgow Palace .

Henceforth she’ll be known as Ruthie,Queen of Scots.

Hurrah! Hurrah! Let feasting commence, let Foodbanks open late! Let Poundstretcher fling open it’s doors in joy. Already urchins are dancing in Scottish streets singing “Ruthie, Queen of Scots got gran’s motability chopped off” in celebration.

There are active plans afoot to move the newly named North British parliament, now that the Conservative & Unionist Party have a massive shoomungus, stonking great majority in Scotland both at Holyrood and in their Scottish Westminster group,(it must be true because the BBC implies that it is so) from Edinburgh, along with Queen Ruthie’s court, to Lithgae Palace for two very important strategic reasons.

One, it has a nice lake (don’t call it a loch, that’s too parochial) with some swings and a see-saw in the park, and two, it’ll get it right up that Salmondnat creature that Kezia Dugdale, now seen as a bit of a village idiot, helped to bring down in the recent General Election, as it’s his home town.

This was the election, of course, as the BBC tells it, which wiped out any dissent against the glorious union of senior exploiting partner and junior mug punters once and for all,

In order to ensure the great, and one true religion, profit, prevails, the current Scottish parliament buildings will be converted into a casino, hotel and bingo complex, which will be owned by a consortium of unionist party donors mainly from Buckinghamshire, but funded from Bermuda.

It is believed that the well defeated bedraggled separatist leadership, although comfortable winners of four elections now on the bounce, but obviously still losers because the papers and Jackie Burd says so, along with the 25,000 unruly dishevelled radicals, some in their prams, who frightened the living daylights out of seven far-right nutters waving union flags in George Square about a week ago, have taken to longboats and are seeking political asylum somewhere off a foggy Le Havre coast.

Meanwhile news comes through that the main stumbling block to finalising a wonderfully strong and stable working relationship between the marvellously successful charismatic raconteur Prime Minister Theresa May, who is soon to be let loose to roam free amongst the wheat fields to her hearts content, and her new pals NoSurrenderAreUs is currently to do with wooden pallets.

The Northern Irish party of homophobia, creationism, global warming deniers, sectarianism and sanctioning terrorism want the Westminster government, in exchange for propping up a lame regime in its death throes, to send them a shipload of wooden pallets, it being July shortly, and there are effigies of human symbols of Roman Catholicism which need to be burnt on bonfires.

Theresa May however fearing a plague of frogs and a great flood, her party, and it’s various recent governments having already caused nearly every other kind of disaster, wants to hang on to the pallets just in case she needs to start former DLA claiming oiks on the task of building her an ark……

A touch of whimsical fantasy perhaps? Definitely. However no more so in terms of fantasy than the shyte the Scottish and UK media are currently feeding you about the outcome of last week’s General Election in Scotland.

The parties of unionism combined campaigned (and colluded) on one issue, one issue only, stopping an independence referendum. You can spin it any way you like but they lost. We’re still on course. Whits fur us will no’ go by us. Don’t believe the hype.

Saor Alba.


I considered a break. Scunnered after the events of Thursday, events which resulted in a far-right Tory government currently hanging on by a thread, and only being so as a result of a loose agreement with the political arm of an extremist sectarian organisation, a political party whose policies include homophobia and denial of global warming, ten politicians in Northern Ireland who now have more influence on the future of Scotland than the people of Scotland do, I considered a break.

Then I considered the events of Tuesday. On a personal level on Tuesday I received news from medical professionals of the best kind, after almost two years of treatment and uncertainty I received confirmation of good news.

I am passionate about self-determination for my homeland. I have 100% confidence in the abilities of the people of Scotland to be able to govern themselves, to make a success of it, to create a future that will benefit all Scots, a Scotland that will see my grandchildren experience opportunities that previous generations could only ever dream about.

That passion has been a great distraction for me in times of personal strife, it will remain so now in better times. I have heard several people saying since Thursday that they are giving up on politics, it’s all too hard, they are disheartened. I say to them that the picture is not that bad. The General Election of 2017 (we may yet have another ) has not changed the target. If we do not make a stand together in solidarity for our children’s futures, who will?

Consider the facts. The grassroots movement for self-government, the smaller Yes supporting political parties, and the main political party advocating change, the SNP, have been subjected to nothing short of a concerted and relentless structured campaign of bias, negativity, false allegations, personal attacks, slurs and near racism by the state owned broadcasting media, and all but one newspaper, printed and online media owned by individuals or groups with vested interests in maintaining the United Kingdom. since well before the 2014 independence Referendum.

Yet, despite this, the SNP are now in their third term of government at Holyrood, placed there democratically by the Scottish electorate, and has gone from a relative also ran to the accepted norm of the big two mainstream political parties of the UK to being the clear winners in terms of numbers of elected MP’s to Westminster in both of the last General Elections.

The phenomenal successes of the 2015 election were extraordinary, a backlash against the deception of reneged promises and sleight of hand of the Westminster power holders and their emissaries. The fantastic return of 56 independence supporting MP’s from a possible 59 Scottish MP’s was never likely to be repeated.

When you remember that at the time of the first referendum in 2014 the SNP had 6 MPs in the Westminster parliament, and that the largest ever number of SNP MP’s returned prior to 2015 was 11 in 1974, Thursday’s outcome, although a significant drop on 2015, at 35, is still significantly higher than any other party in Scotland, and more than the rest put together, even though the media are telling you that the SNP have lost.

Consider too that this time last week (depending on who tells it) up to 25,000 Scots marched through Glasgow, apparently stretching out for around three miles across the city, in support of independence, on a day when most SNP activists would have been elsewhere canvassing. The light is most definitely not going out.

Despite all efforts on Thursday, and the treacherous, and somewhat self defeating, behaviour of the New Labour Blairite Scottish version of the current Labour Party, encouraging voters to vote for the Tories in seats where combined votes would threaten SNP big players, a tactic successfully deployed but resulting in the bizarre position of Scotland being responsible for propping up May’s troubled government, the SNP still won the election in Scotland by a mile.

This General Election came at a time not of the Scottish government’s choosing. Work still continues in the background on the big issues, the answers to the questions on currency, pensions and the raising of revenue. In time, when the moment is right a plan for the future will be laid out for the people of Scotland to consider. Timing is crucial.

Who knows what’s going to happen between now and then in mainstream UK politics. I fear there are dark days ahead, even more so now, following the shambles of Thursday. The weak and unstable May very probably won’t survive the Machiavellian antics of her Brexiteering colleagues, backstabbing that will take place in whispered conversations in the corridors of the Palace of Westminster over the next few weeks. The Tories are hanging on by a thread, to the tune of Derry’s Walls, the bubble has burst, and awaiting EU Commissioners are rubbing their hands as the negotiating table beckons.

The incompetence and arrogance of the Tories, even when humiliated as they were on Thursday, will ensure that he next two years are not going to be pretty, as a consequence though there will likely be more than one opportunity for a vote of no confidence in the minority Tory government in the Commons other than just the minority government’s attempt to get their Queen’s Speech approved.

Who know’s, perhaps ‘the coalition of chaos’ as Theresa May likes to refer to it, may prevail yet. We might even find that if it does that the political climate that will exist then might result in some co-operative honest and open engagement between London and Edinburgh on the issues of social justice, progressive policy and sovereignty, which would be a refreshing change.

The likes of Angus Robertson, George Kerevan and Alex Salmond are big losses to the Westminster SNP team, but they’ll not be fading quietly into the background, and the up and comers like Miriam Brett and Mairi McAllan are impressive, full of energy and vigour, committed to social justice and serving their communities, in the manner of Mhairi Black. They’ll be back, better and stronger for their experience of 2017. Despite what you read in the paper or see on the telly, the future is bright. The future is independence, when the time is right.

It is up to us. For our children’s sakes we cannot let them win. The end game will be ours.


Call a snap election because you think you’ll win a huge majority. Be arrogant enough to not take part in the election campaign, assuming you will win a huge majority.

Avoid ‘live’ debates during this period because your advisors are aware that your inadequacies being on display for the electorate to see will seriously harm the chances of you winning that huge majority.

Suffer a humiliating battering at the ballot boxes resulting in a ‘hung parliament’ and no huge majority. Then unbelievably…..

In desperation, in order to maintain a fingertip grip on power, form a relationship with an extremist political entity, and hold a press conference where you ignore completely the events of the previous 24 hours and act as if you did actually win that fabled huge majority.

Folks, you are living in a lost George Orwell novel.

The polling booths are open

The day has arrived. The polling booths are open,the polls are indicating what polls will indicate, or not. The only poll I trust is the one that closes at 10pm tonight, especially following the spectacular prediction balls up of pollsters on such events as the Brexit referendum and the rise of the Trumpet administration.

Somewhat predictably, if also disappointingly in terms of democratic engagement, the two long term UK mainstream establishment parties North British branch offices have signally failed to talk to the the electorate, at all, about their policies to make life easier, harder or just intolerable for the citizens who they purport to represent, instead focusing on the single pledge to stop a second independence referendum.(We won’t mention Wullie Rennie, why would we have to?)

Growing up in the central belt I do, to a certain extent, understand the blinkered traditional unionist vote, the Queen, Rule Britannia etc. That is a belief system that for some will be very hard to penetrate.

However It absolutely staggers me, after all the Tories, and latterly New Labour, have done to Scotland. to hear statements like “I can’t stand that Sturgeon, I know Labour and the Tories have destroyed the country but I couldn’t vote for her. We are too wee, the industry is all away, and it’s not coming back”.

I don’t see it myself but what is it about Nicola Sturgeon that causes such angst?

To my way of thinking she is far less polarising in her outlook and the way she presents herself than Alex Salmond, whom I also admire, but I can understand those who perceive his confidence and articulation as arrogance.

Today’s vote is not about independence. It is about protecting Scotland from what very well might be one of the darkest periods in the modern history of the UK. A time when self-inflicted economic vandalism, with regards to trashing trading relationships with long term partners, is very likely to trigger a recession which will decimate employment, and take many years to get out of.

Look at the architects of this folly. Those, if re-elected, who are supposed to get the UK out of the deal without compounding their error and causing a crisis. After Theresa May’s real and worrying weaknesses being exposed starkly over the last few weeks would you even trust her to run tae the bakers for a loaf? She’d come back with a pair of socks.

Are there really so many Scots around that are comfortably off with an I’m alright Jack, it’s not my problem, attitude? Are they resentful about the likes of free prescriptions for all, and free tertiary education? Do they believe the media negativity about the Scottish NHS, when clearly over the last few years it is head and shoulders better in many of the key indicators than it’s southern version?

Are there enough of them that aren’t touched by austerity measures in some way? Or their extended family members?

Many of us lived through the worst excesses of the Thatcher years. Some would say things are starting to look worse now than even then. Ruth Davidson likes to tell us all we should forget what happened during the time of Margaret Thatcher because heck she can’t even remember her!

I say today before you go into that polling booth think back to what Thatcher was, what she did, who she did it to, and then consider her modern day equivalent Theresa May. If you are young enough to have missed the Thatcher years ask someone who was there.

The Trussell Trust which operates Foodbank services across the country, including a network of 52 Foodbanks in Scotland, have just released their report for 2016/17.

That report tells us that the number of Scots receiving emergency three day supplies of food for that period was around 145,000, including 47,995 children, a rise of 9% on the previous year. Just think about that for a minute.

You live in a country rich in natural resources, with a world class food and drink sector, with innovative new technology in energy renewal with the potential to boom, creating a new and lucrative source of revenue from exports. These are advantages other countries can only dream about. Yet nearly 150,000 times in a single financial year citizens of your country were at the extreme stage of desperation where they had to attend a Foodbank to fill their, and their children’s bellies.

I can’t believe , in fact I refuse to believe, that the people of Scotland would vote in large numbers for the party that wants women who have been raped to prove it in order to receive benefits to feed a child born as a result. I refuse also to believe the people of Scotland will vote in large numbers for a party that uses the excuse of perpetual ‘austerity measures’ to slash disability payments to the sick and vulnerable, whilst giving corporations huge tax incentives to protect profits.

Don’t let three hundred years of Scottish cringe and negative propaganda influence you. See beyond that.

Vote to protect the people of Scotland. Vote to have a say in your own future. Vote SNP.

Seen and heard enough


“Welcome back to our Scottish political leaders debate in the run up to Thursday’s General Election .

We’ve heard from First Minister Nicola Sturgeon what her candidates, if elected. will do to try to protect pensioners, children, the vulnerable, disabled and disadvantaged from planned austerity.

Let’s turn now to our three other panel members Let’s get yer craic on the wizard-bang rootin tootin, and highfalutin policies that each of your political parties specifically are going to introduce to make the lives of the people of Scotland better? ”


Ruth Davidson : “I will oppose a second independence referendum with every fibre of my wee soor pussed being. I will man the barricades of Unionism, holding the red, white and blue flag high above my head to signify a rallying point for all of our loyal patriots who live deep in Scottish forests or are hiding out in packing cases in abandoned factories all over the country. Rule Brita…….’

“Is that it?”

Ruth Davidson: “….nnia, Britannia rules the waves…..Mon the rape clause, Aye, that’s about it, yes.”

“Wee Wullie, how’s about you? What brave incisive progressive policies are you going to adopt which will benefit your countryfolk?”

Willie Rennie: “Eh, there will be no second independence referendum on my watch. I forbid it. There will however be another one on Brexit. Can we eat our sandwiches now?”

“Thanks for that compelling commentary there Wullie.

Crystal Clear Kez, you surely must be able to provide us with an insight specifically into Scottish New Labour’s autonomous war on poverty and your struggle for social justice?”

Kezia Dugdale: ” Yes, of course I can. Let me be very clear, very very clear. We will never under any circumstances back plans for a second independence referendum, never.”

First Minister Nicola Sturgeon, can we bring you in here? How would you respond to that?”

Nicola Sturgeon: “Kezia on the morning after the Brexit vote we had a conversation where you said if Britain leaves the EU you would back another independence referendum”.

Kezia Dugdale: “Naw ah didnae.”

Nicola Sturgeon: “Aye you did.”

Kezia Dugdale: “Naw ah didnae.”

Nicola Sturgeon: “Aye you did.”

Kezia Dugdale: “Awright, ah did. But naw ah didnae…”

“We’re going to have to end it there. That concludes our informative debate with our panel of leaders this evening. Thank you to our studio audience and to you all watching at home. That’s an hour and a half of your life you’ll never get back. ”

Vote SNP tomorrow to protect Scotland. It really is the only answer.

Giving bias the rubber ear

They came out in their many thousands, grans, papas, weans in their strollers, teenagers, the able, the disabled. the Sikhs, the Muslims, the Buddhists, the Christians, the non-religious, the gay, the straight, the transgender, the new Scots, the born Scots, the English, Welsh and Irish-born Scots, the artists, the musicians.

They all came. Real people, human beings, with love in their hearts, humanity in their souls, and a sense of belonging, of caring for each other, of community, of leaving nobody behind, of compassion, of determination to achieve a better life for themselves and their children, of hope and of vision, vision of the opportunities which the future holds. A future we can achieve if only we can break through the dank smelly fog of falsehood, hate, negativity and deception which bars the way, a haar, which never lifts, of propaganda, unrelentingly reinforced, by those, a small number of an obscenely wealthy elite class, who stand to lose their control and power.

A vote takes place on Thursday which will be crucial to the future of Scotland.

I’ve had conversations with Scots recently which frankly staggered me, still, after all that’s happened over the last few years, along the following lines. “ I cannae stand that Nicola Sturgeon” Why? “ She never shuts up about independence. We couldnae survive independence. The oil is about gone, we’ve no industry and there’s nothing here. We need the rest of the UK, look at the debt we’ve got?”

The frustration that we many advocates of self-determination have is that if you read the Daily Mail, the Express, the Telegraph, the Record, the Sun, the Scotsman, the Herald and most other newspapers owned by those with vested interests, or listen to the likes of the British Broadcasting Corporation, wholly committed to the State, that is the opinion you are most likely to form. Somehow uniquely, and in reality we have advantages that most other countries in the world would give their right arm for, we are led to believe that Scotland just could not possibly cope without Westminster. A nonsense, a nonsense that must be overcome. A nonsense that will be overcome.

This week in the last days of the General Election Campaign the party of devolved government in Scotland is again, predictably, coming under concerted attack. Listening to Nicola Sturgeon on the BBC’s Woman’s Hour (a programme her robotic opponent in London body swerved in case she was asked any awkward questions) I marvel that she manages to avoid laughing at the sheer level of inaccuracy of Scottish politics and public services portrayed by London based questioners. As her predecessor was before her, the First Minister is adept at putting the broadcaster right on subjects like Scottish NHS performance and free prescription charges.

I would say to those of us that believe what they read in the papers about Scottish politics do you believe a distant Prime Minister has the best interests of the people of Scotland in mind?

A Prime Minister who, as a figurehead for Unionism, is so incompetent that her election campaign must be stage-managed as much as is possible, with the public barred?

A Prime Minister whose media events involve a band of rent-a crowd campaign workers being deployed to cheer and clap enthusiastically as she utters the same speech littered with repetitive statements over and over again?

A Prime Minister, who, when she comes up against a real question from a real person, doesn’t have the wit to be able to deviate from her dogmatic message?

A leader of a political party which systematically decimated the heart of Scotland’s industrial and manufacturing base, and who are now punishing the poor, the disabled, the vulnerable and the neglected through a programme of planned austerity measures, persecuting and demonising the disadvantaged, and immigrants, whilst at the same time providing massive tax cuts for their wealthy benefactors?

A leader of a party, which if it wins the election, is set to enter into negotiations to leave the world’s largest trading bloc, where it currently enjoys a free trading arrangement with 27 countries, a divorce which will result in hefty tariffs being placed on goods and services exported from the UK, putting an estimated 80,000 Scottish jobs at risk, shooting themselves in both feet, all over the fact that they don’t want to continue to allow the free movement of EU citizens (including vital professionals for Scotland’s health and public services) to Britain?

Last Saturday’s huge turnout does not mean that next week, next month, or next year, we will see an independent Scotland. But what it did show is that more and more Scots are consistently seeing past the bias and propaganda which is so obviously holding us back.

More and more of us are looking forward to a future where all Scots will be able to flourish and have opportunities that frankly under Unionism we will never ever see.

Thursday’s vote is an opportunity to ensure that Scotland has a say in its own future rather than having a future not the choice of it’s people forced upon it.

Don’t waste that opportunity. Vote SNP.