The Viceroy of Joy


It was always a stick on, a cert, a sure thing, you could have bet the wean’s inheritance and yer Granda’s top set on it. We’ve all predicted it, most of us for a considerable time now, and as sure as day follows night it has happened. After the EU getting the blame for Britain’s staggering incompetence as they squirm and agonize as they untangle themselves from the largest free trading market on the planet, we were always going to be next, us vile separatists who want to be outward looking and European.

No prizes for guessing who the deliverer of this profound nonsense was to be, yes you’ve got it, the Viceroy of Joy himself, the coveter of a stoat’s winter jaiket dyed riid for riid neck, the government of Scotland from another county’s man in Scotland, the chep with the spine of the lesser spotted siphunculus, which I see defined on “wiki change it to whatever ye like” as meaning  ‘a small tube’ ( well if the shoe fits) David Mundell (which used tae be pronounced like bundle but ye cannae be called bundle in the House of Lords, Bungle mibbees, but no’ bundle).
Aye, according to the shifty wee man whose pronouncements about how he views politics as they currently exist in the circus which is pre-Brexit Britain, mirror almost exactly what Theresa May said five minutes previously, and are equally therefore as flip floppy in content as the disco dancing diva of Downing Street’s robotic drivel, the party of devolved limited powers, and soon to be more limited, in Scotland, the one with the majority of MP’s democratically elected to Westminster to represent Scottish constituencies, is going to cause a disastrous no –deal exit from the EU. It’s nothing to do with the Tories being infested with useless right –wing and far right-wing brainless and entitled third and fourth generation inheritors of daddy’s money morons whose idea of negotiating with somebody is to tell them what to do in a loud voice in case they don’t understand English. Naw, it’s not their fault. It’s ours.
We’ve tae swing wholly and firmly behind Theresa May’s rank rotten Withdrawal Agreement, and he’s written tae SNP Westminster leader Ian Blackford, who is still laughing, to tell him so. This after his stoic leader once again pulled a ‘meaningful vote’ on Brexit, whatever that actually is. Yet further delay to allow her supposedly to continue to negotiate with EU commissioners who are openly saying that Britain is pretending to negotiate something that is already agreed and will not be changed. She’s kicked the can further up the road to around March 12. At this rate Westminster parliamentarians may find themselves voting on arrangements for leaving the EU after they’ve actually left the EU.

If I was the owner of a business in the UK right now which does a fair bit of trade with the countries of Europe I think the squeeky bum element to my planning for the future would be audible. Imagine self-harming your own economy to the extent where a withering recession is almost inevitable, all in the name of keeping rebelling factions of your political party happy. These nutters are playing with people’s live, and the tragedy is they are good at nothing.
History will not be kind to you Davie. I hope the seat on the red benches that you ae holding out for is worth it. It remains to be seen if they’ll let you keep it once Scotland is self-governing. You’ll have outstayed yer welcome.

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