There’s nothing like the conference season to bring out the warm fuzzy happy feelings of love that exist within British political parties, those who man the unionist barricades, for all things democratic in Scotland.
The very mention of the fairly non-antagonistic phrase ‘the right to self-determination’ results in waves of hysterical pitchfork wielding, spitting of fury and torch carrying eejits spouting off like the unfortunate Question Time man from Inverness of 2014 with the thousand yard stare and the pledge to “Keep his Union together with his blood”.
We’re for the off, the concrete wellies it seems. Ian Lavery, Labour Chair at their conference earlier in the week advocated the need to “Kill off the nationalists in Scotland and regain that great country”, presumably because they forgot a few items they left behind the last time they were in charge of asset-stripping the place, and the daily propaganda screeching at us vile separatist nasties is rising to fever pitch as we draw ever so nearer to the day someone presses the UK self-destruct button, and we haven’t even reached the Tory knife fight in Birmingham yet.
I think we, the many thousands of advocates for the rights of the people of Scotland to determine their own future and make all of the important decisions about their country themselves, should perhaps respond to these clear demonstrations of fraternity, good fellowship and respect for our views. I would suggest we adopt across the board an approach that we are absolutely brilliant at. It’s called warmth and genuine humanity.
So I say with much tongue-in-cheek comradeship, come here you big wooden-faced Tory puppet-gubbed numpty that ye are Ross Thomson. C’mon, gies a wee cuddle and a pinch at yer cheek. Let’s have group hug wae ye. We’re quite nice folk, honest we are. Mone, we’ll buy ye one of they Great British teacakes ye love so much. In fact we’ll get ye a box of them.
Come on Dicky Leonard, tell us how good you’ll be at being First Minister, we’ll listen politely and then shower yer path wae rose petals like yer a Roman General.
Come on Theresa, gies a wee dance, a sashay across the floor. Let’s have a party. Do that thing with your arms that you do.
Come on Fluffy, how about a song? Gies a couple of choruses of ‘Maybe it’s because I’m a Borderer that I love London Town’. We’ll get the great folks of our campaign who originally hail from south of the border, there’s loads of them, lovely folk they are too, fine upstanding Scots by choice who really understand why we do what we do, to join with you and harmonise at all the right places, and then we’ll all smile, cheer and clap, just to make you feel special, cos we’re like that in the Indy Movement.
You see we are about making folk feel special. We’re about making everybody in our country feel special, making them feel included, and respected. You might think that you want us gone but we’ll overcome you, make you irrelevant, with kindness, with hope, with humanity for our fellow human beings.
Aye, most definitely we are about making folk feel special and we are also about seeing our country’s future positively. A hard concept for the protectors of London’s power over our nation to accept.
We’re about envisaging a country where the street corners of our cities are not littered with poor sowels starving, filthy and unkempt, sleeping out in all weathers, unwanted, broken and awaiting an early death.
We are about ensuring everyone in our communities has a roof over their head, warm accommodation,and see they Foodbank places? They Foodbanks are on all of our wish lists to get made redundant and shut within the time it takes us to finish up the clearing up after the Independence celebration pairties, once we get there, because you know what, we are determined, and see determination, ambition, honest endeavour and hard work, they go a long long way.
We are for a country where our weans coming up and out of school can honestly be asked the question what is it you want to do with your future, and actually expect that there are five or six different opportunities available to them to pursue an apprenticeship, further education or training to lead them towards that goal, in Scotland, without them having to break their Maw’s heart by eventually putting in their papers for places like Canada or Australia to get on in life.
We foresee a country where we can encourage our children and our grandchildren to follow their dreams, pursue their interests, gain knowledge and expertise in fields where they have aptitude and potential, to get out there and fill their boots, to innovate, to speculate, to drive forward our country into being a successful Northern European independent state.
We are about making sure that our old folk are looked after and supported, and provided with a pension that they deserve, rather than the one they currently get ,which, when compared to most other European Union countries, is one of the worst. The Labour and Tory canvassers knocking on their doors telling them that the big bad independence wolf will steal their pension don’t really tell them that though do they?
My goodness surely there can’t be many folk left in Scotland who honestly believe all of the nonsense about our country being poor, too wee, dependent (on a country that has gutted us over the years when it feels like it, and has almost taken everything it can from us that’s not screwed down) can there? Deep down? Apart from those with the red, white and blue blinkers that is.
The potential for Scotland to be a hugely successful country without the anchor of the Titanic tied around our necks is enormous. It really is.
Let’s do this.