That’s it all sorted then. The Union that started off with nobbled bought-off nobles and months of riots in the streets in Scotland, and services of thanksgiving in cathedrals and lit beacons of celebration on southern cliff tops in England, is safe for another three hunner odd years. Bless us all.
Awash with sycophantic plaudits at her marvellous, resounding, and stunning victory, the BBC having managed to convince the Scottish public that the number 35 is actually less than the numbers 13, 7 and 4, or even the three numbers combined together at 24 (that will no doubt be the SNP’s fault again as their education policies are apparently so bad that nae fecker can count) the soon-to-be perpetually worshipped monarch of Scotland, Ruth Davidson, the saviour, will be crowned in a refurbished royal chamber at Linlithgow Palace .
Henceforth she’ll be known as Ruthie,Queen of Scots.
Hurrah! Hurrah! Let feasting commence, let Foodbanks open late! Let Poundstretcher fling open it’s doors in joy. Already urchins are dancing in Scottish streets singing “Ruthie, Queen of Scots got gran’s motability chopped off” in celebration.
There are active plans afoot to move the newly named North British parliament, now that the Conservative & Unionist Party have a massive shoomungus, stonking great majority in Scotland both at Holyrood and in their Scottish Westminster group,(it must be true because the BBC implies that it is so) from Edinburgh, along with Queen Ruthie’s court, to Lithgae Palace for two very important strategic reasons.
One, it has a nice lake (don’t call it a loch, that’s too parochial) with some swings and a see-saw in the park, and two, it’ll get it right up that Salmondnat creature that Kezia Dugdale, now seen as a bit of a village idiot, helped to bring down in the recent General Election, as it’s his home town.
This was the election, of course, as the BBC tells it, which wiped out any dissent against the glorious union of senior exploiting partner and junior mug punters once and for all,
In order to ensure the great, and one true religion, profit, prevails, the current Scottish parliament buildings will be converted into a casino, hotel and bingo complex, which will be owned by a consortium of unionist party donors mainly from Buckinghamshire, but funded from Bermuda.
It is believed that the well defeated bedraggled separatist leadership, although comfortable winners of four elections now on the bounce, but obviously still losers because the papers and Jackie Burd says so, along with the 25,000 unruly dishevelled radicals, some in their prams, who frightened the living daylights out of seven far-right nutters waving union flags in George Square about a week ago, have taken to longboats and are seeking political asylum somewhere off a foggy Le Havre coast.
Meanwhile news comes through that the main stumbling block to finalising a wonderfully strong and stable working relationship between the marvellously successful charismatic raconteur Prime Minister Theresa May, who is soon to be let loose to roam free amongst the wheat fields to her hearts content, and her new pals NoSurrenderAreUs is currently to do with wooden pallets.
The Northern Irish party of homophobia, creationism, global warming deniers, sectarianism and sanctioning terrorism want the Westminster government, in exchange for propping up a lame regime in its death throes, to send them a shipload of wooden pallets, it being July shortly, and there are effigies of human symbols of Roman Catholicism which need to be burnt on bonfires.
Theresa May however fearing a plague of frogs and a great flood, her party, and it’s various recent governments having already caused nearly every other kind of disaster, wants to hang on to the pallets just in case she needs to start former DLA claiming oiks on the task of building her an ark……
A touch of whimsical fantasy perhaps? Definitely. However no more so in terms of fantasy than the shyte the Scottish and UK media are currently feeding you about the outcome of last week’s General Election in Scotland.
The parties of unionism combined campaigned (and colluded) on one issue, one issue only, stopping an independence referendum. You can spin it any way you like but they lost. We’re still on course. Whits fur us will no’ go by us. Don’t believe the hype.