Seen and heard enough


“Welcome back to our Scottish political leaders debate in the run up to Thursday’s General Election .

We’ve heard from First Minister Nicola Sturgeon what her candidates, if elected. will do to try to protect pensioners, children, the vulnerable, disabled and disadvantaged from planned austerity.

Let’s turn now to our three other panel members Let’s get yer craic on the wizard-bang rootin tootin, and highfalutin policies that each of your political parties specifically are going to introduce to make the lives of the people of Scotland better? ”


Ruth Davidson : “I will oppose a second independence referendum with every fibre of my wee soor pussed being. I will man the barricades of Unionism, holding the red, white and blue flag high above my head to signify a rallying point for all of our loyal patriots who live deep in Scottish forests or are hiding out in packing cases in abandoned factories all over the country. Rule Brita…….’

“Is that it?”

Ruth Davidson: “….nnia, Britannia rules the waves…..Mon the rape clause, Aye, that’s about it, yes.”

“Wee Wullie, how’s about you? What brave incisive progressive policies are you going to adopt which will benefit your countryfolk?”

Willie Rennie: “Eh, there will be no second independence referendum on my watch. I forbid it. There will however be another one on Brexit. Can we eat our sandwiches now?”

“Thanks for that compelling commentary there Wullie.

Crystal Clear Kez, you surely must be able to provide us with an insight specifically into Scottish New Labour’s autonomous war on poverty and your struggle for social justice?”

Kezia Dugdale: ” Yes, of course I can. Let me be very clear, very very clear. We will never under any circumstances back plans for a second independence referendum, never.”

First Minister Nicola Sturgeon, can we bring you in here? How would you respond to that?”

Nicola Sturgeon: “Kezia on the morning after the Brexit vote we had a conversation where you said if Britain leaves the EU you would back another independence referendum”.

Kezia Dugdale: “Naw ah didnae.”

Nicola Sturgeon: “Aye you did.”

Kezia Dugdale: “Naw ah didnae.”

Nicola Sturgeon: “Aye you did.”

Kezia Dugdale: “Awright, ah did. But naw ah didnae…”

“We’re going to have to end it there. That concludes our informative debate with our panel of leaders this evening. Thank you to our studio audience and to you all watching at home. That’s an hour and a half of your life you’ll never get back. ”

Vote SNP tomorrow to protect Scotland. It really is the only answer.


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