We’re cursed

That’s it then. Let’s all chuck it. We give up.We are indeed too wee, too poor and too stupid.

Much to the delight of the worshipful brothers of Britcybernattery, a Scottish government report informs us that Scotland’s geographical share of North Sea Oil revenue has gone into negative figures for a calendar year, (I thought we worked on financial years?) This for the first time in thieving memory, to the tune of £338m (although onshore GDP is still in limited growth).

Quick, put the pipes into reverse at Grangemouth, turn the tankers around back up the Forth, pour the stuff back in and plug up the wells, recall the supply ships and scuttle them in Aberdeen harbour. Do it quickly before the curse does any more damage.

Let hands be wrung, and hair be pulled out at the roots. Why us? Why did we have to be landed with this horrible burden? Why couldn’t we just have been an insignificant wee place that produces cardboard boxes? Why did we have to be like Saudi Arabia and Kuwait and Norway and Texas? Such barren wastelands. We’ve no luck at all.

At least we can comfort ourselves that, in the last forty odd years we helped pay for much of the modernised infrastructure of the south east of England, the continuing economic rude good health of that part of the world, some trains, and the unemployment benefit of the droves of Scottish, Welsh and northern English workers ruthlessly impacted by the dream of ConNewLab late 20th century neo-liberalism.

Oh, and much as it’s been such a terrible curse on Scotland it has at least allowed us to show that we are generous and public spirited, traits that we Scots are known for. We can be thankful for that.

Per head, it allowed us to contribute, to the UK Treasury in London, higher tax revenue than any other part of the UK for almost every year of the last 40, except the last few years recently where world events,out with Scotland’s control, resulted in the price of the accursed resource falling. Sums going south far in excess of what ever came back via Barnett’s arithmetic.

We are generous that way, and after all, those considered our betters know how to spend it, them being far more experienced than us at that sort of thing. Obviously when the profits start rolling in again we’re best leaving it in their control.

Aye right!

Scotland deciding its future on the basis of the price of oil at any given moment is like saying you are never ever going to leave your bedroom to go out and live your life to the full because currently theres a rain shower over your street. In fact using oil as a sole basis for deciding your position on independence is kind of missing the point altogether.

No doubt the ‘geographical share’ they refer to doesn’t include revenue from the stretch of seabed and coastal waters that mysteriously changed which side of the border it was on in the hours before devolution either.

Doomed,we’re all doomed. What an attitude to have about your own country.


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