The broken record

How incompetent are the Tories when you take them out of their comfort zone of easy pickings in the south-east and no requirement to ever justify their actions?

A week in from a plethora of polls, mainly targeting those of the tea and scones, Radio Times, the sun never sets on the Empire profile, suggesting that they’ll absolutely wipe the floor with the opposition in England, they’ve managed to halve their own projected lead,in just 7 days.

Tory campaign chief Lynton Crosby is burning the midnight oil, pulling his hair out in a fit of apoplexy, as he recognises that the game is up for the ‘Strong and Secure’ show. Even Andrew Marr managed to get in on winding her up about it before Theresa May started her Max Headroom stuck on repeat robotic sound bite technique on the weekend show.

No, Mr Crosby now has to come with another plan. Another week of the two ‘S”s would surely see the current Tory unelected Prime Minister become a bit of a joke, even further south than Liverpool.

Heaven forbid, they might need to even give her a crash course in debating skills, or develop a couple of positive policy ideas very quickly, on the hoof, policies that would be just popular enough with the masses to lift their appeal, whilst satisfying the rabid and rising right-wing UKIP Brexiteer faction that they still have their boot firmly on the throat of the soon-to-be retro 1950’s Great Britain. A delicate balance indeed. Kind of reminiscent of the purdah-breaching last days of the independence referendum in Scotland in 2014. If you’d wanted a helicopter pad built on the roof of your two bed semi in Clarkston, in exchange for a No vote, David Cameron would have promised you it, until the polling booth shut on 18th September. The next day? Well, we all know what happened then.

Maybe they’ll give her a wee refresher course in answering media interview questions. Have you noticed that wee thing she does when she get’s agitated about a question she is asked that she can’t immediately answer with a platitude? It’s like a flashback Gordy Broon tongue circling gub movement. Her mouth kind of scrunches up before she manages to compose herself. It’s quite a disconcerting look, and has given photographers hours of endless fun as the multitude of photos of her caught at that moment on various occasions testify. In the old days it might have been described as Hoity-toity or snobbish. It’s not a good look for a politician hoping to convince the general population that her pretence of having an interest in others, rather than just the elite circles that herself and her husband move in, is genuine.

I suspect the real problem Crosby has in the next few weeks, the problem that is keeping him awake at nights, is trying to make her appear caring, empathic and compassionate. Andrew Marr completely floored her with his reference to instances of nurses having to resort to Foodbanks to keep themselves going.

She almost blanked it completely. Not a flicker of understanding, not even a nod of the head in concern (even Thatcher would have at least tried to look interested). Instead, one of the last Prime Ministers of a United Kingdom chose to reply by saying “that there are many complex reasons why people go to Foodbanks” before reverting back to the strong, strength, stronger, strengthened, stable, stabler, horse will soon be bolting from the stable, script.

Complex reasons for using Foodbanks, she says? Doesn’t seem very complex to me. If your belly’s empty, the weans are crying because they are hungry, and you’ve nothing in your wallet, nor your wife’s purse, other than your blood donors card and a library ticket, there’s not really many issues of a complex nature to consider.

Is Ms May suggesting perhaps that the nurses concerned might have discovered, having just come off a 12 hour backshift on their feet, that it’s the butler’s night orf, Fortnum & Mason’s and Waitrose is shut for the night, and that Jeeves has forgotten to stock up the eight drawer fridge before going home?

Or perhaps generally is she suggesting that people attending Foodbanks do so to somehow cheat the system, to eat for free? Does she really understand the implications for normal working people, those who do not have a nest egg squirrelled away, or don’t have the exceptional wealth that she does, of the deliberate planned heartless austerity programme her government has inflicted?

As for her visit to Scotland, my goodness,how inept, bland and crass can they get? The laughable and bizarre selfie-interview in the North East by local branch leader and recently confirmed ruthless, heartless self-server Ruth Davidson is a prime example of the clear manipulation of political messaging, almost to a Manchurian candidate level, of the Conservative and Unionist campaign.

During a campaign ‘interview’ lasting less than one and a half minutes between the two of them they managed to mention the words ‘ Strong’ ‘Strengthen’ and ‘Stable’ on around ten occasions, and ‘Union/ partnership/ coming together/ not pulling apart’ about five times. Imagine an hour’s worth of that?

Bussed in rent-an-audiences, banning locals from TV reported campaign events, or cajoling estate residents or employees of prominent tory landowners into attending a ‘rally’ if you could call it that, in a wee hut in the middle of a forest, does not endear you to the local populace, or instil in many the idea that you are ready to make your case and answer awkward questions, and the next time you chap four or five doors in Scotland to talk to the residents about your grand plans to make their lives better you might want to untie them and let them all out of the village hall first, so that they can go home and answer the door.

The sooner Scotland becomes an independent country the better. Then we can get on with talking about real policies, policies which will benefit everybody in Scotland, not just the ones who’ve done well out of the biggest successful confidence trick in history.

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