Bonkers

Bonkers! The world is going bonkers, and backwards.

There’s a small enclave of linen suited, conservatively coloured tie wearing worshippers of red-taped, date-stamping bureaucracy somewhere on the Indian Subcontinent, who’ve been spotted running out into the street from their heavily fortified gated community waving musket ball holed, and mothball smelling, union flags, and shouting ” Huzzah Huzzah, we’re jolly well saved, we’re saved, they are coming back for us at last” much to the puzzlement of passing tech executives, Bollywood film producers and New Delhi financial consultants.

The Empire is coming for them you see. All will be well, and whipped into shape sharpish like. Damn your eyes and shine your boots. A new red, white and blue dawn is rising.

It surely won’t be long before the Times of London’s foreign diarists, the ghost of Billy Russell perhaps, will be praising exploits and extolling the virtues of the likes of ‘Boris of Khartoum, ‘The Great Grey Mother of Eastbourne’ and ‘Gove of India’.

There’ll be stories of daring do, of glamorous imperial adventurers shattering records and breaking impossible barriers, like Nigel Farage, who’s clearly been to Saturn without ever having even left his office chair.

Brexitannia and the world’s biggest casino, golf course and hotel complex bonded in a ‘ Special Relationship’ of new and terrifying proportions.

Is this what leaving the world’s biggest free trading bloc means? It’s not something new I suppose, but the image of the Prime Minister of the UK furtively trailing around a range of despots, dictators and misogynist leaders, in mirrored shades and dressed in black, displaying the latest high tech rocket launchers for sale out of a fold down carry-case, is like a cross between a scene from a Jason Statham movie and a Private Walker intervention from Dad’s Army ” Here Sheik me old son I can get you nylons as well, I’ve got a mate….”

Then, following the public geriatric mumblings of former prominent right wing acquirers of public money, interestingly not condemned by the government of the day, we have the Axis of Hate in the media, the Mail, Sun, FURIOUS Express et al still trying to start a war with a current trading partner who will have a significant say in the final outcome of the Brexit negotiations. Sharp as a cue-ball that lot, but patriotic, so that makes up for it. Ooft!

Yes, you should be proud because apparently a British vessel the size of a large rowing boat saw off a Spanish naval vessel patrolling it’s own waters by doing nothing other than waving the white ensign and holding up an A3 photocopied portrait of Sir Franny Drake. Dear God, thank goodness there isnae a World Cup Finals due for a while. The way the media are stirring things up if there was the skies over the surrounding town centres of the venues where ‘Our Boys’ would be playing would be darkened by flying plastic chairs like a plague of biblical frogs.

Meanwhile the First Minister of Scotland is touring around the USA, acting like the leader of a sensible, outward looking, inclusive, welcoming and social democratic independent country. Speaking at Stanford University she did well not to suggest to the attentive audience that the UK’s Bawbag is much the same as the US’s Bawbag, but without the tan and the quiff.

Scotland will be so much better as an independent nation.

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3 thoughts on “Bonkers

  1. If the UK government were a patient …
    “Nurse! Nurse! He’s hallucinating again, thinks he’s back at Goose Green. Come quick, he’s starting to threaten violence …”

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  2. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! I liked this one. I have this visionary, filmic imagination which allows me to see the very vivid pictures you paint. And this was a cracker. lol
    Yes, I do see the Gordon of Khartoum players; stoic stiff upper lips, one and all. Well apart from the effete Sec of State for Education; the limp wristed Sec of State for International Trade; the lavender scented Sec of State for Scotland. But the butch ballbangin’ Maymaster makes up for the frock wearing coterie who quiver at her back. Empire not so much strikes back but skweems and skweems and skweems at the top of their deep baritone voices. Sir William Howard Russell CVO would’ve skewered them on the pit of public barbecued opinion and showed them to be the chancers they actually are.
    Instead, the right wing media are agitating for that flying plastic plague you speak of.
    Biblical frogs an’ Laura Ashley frocks would make a rerr front cover. 🙂

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