‘Dear British State…..’

Dear British State

I have written this letter to you many times, but have never sent it. This time you have left me no choice.

We have been together for some years now, during which time I have patiently put up with your domineering attitude, your arrogance and self-centred behaviour.

However, I need to tell you that you stifle me, you criticise any ideas that I have, you make fun of my aspirations and opinions. You use my things without asking me, like they are your own, and then you never put them back, break them or just lose them. You have no respect for me or anything that is mine.

You’ve always been obsessed with flags. I let that go, but lately things have gotten worse, oh so much worse.

I’ve tried my best to make our relationship work, particularly over the last nine months when you’ve been chasing our friends away. Your aggression and near racism towards them worries me. You are increasingly becoming a bully.

I’ve tried to make sure that we keep talking, trying to find common ground between us, with no success. Even the one or two close family members you tolerate have noticed the change in your behaviour.

You promised me that you wouldn’t make any drastic moves that may affect our relationship without consulting me first, yet you just sneer at me when I ask a question. You haven’t been returning my calls. The last twice I’ve tried phoning you the response was a recorded message saying your line had been disconnected.

The final straw was when I had to learn from the town gossip, who always stands up for you, and always puts me down, that you have set a date to begin moving us into your great-grandmothers’s house.

We’ve spoken about this at length. You know that neither I, our friends or our family think that this is a good idea. Your great-grandmother’s house is broken down, old fashioned and isolated. I heard she was a bit of a one for living in the past and a hoarder. Also her house is far away from all of the local markets, there is a high fence surrounding it so that neighbours can’t see in, and we won’t be able to see out,our children will miss out on opportunities for learning and adventure, and it is many miles from any place of work.

It does have a flagpole in the garden and a portrait of Queen Victoria above the fireplace though, which I know impresses you.

Anyway, that news finished it for me.

I’ve put all of your stuff in black bags for you. You didn’t have that much apart from a few of those expensive war toys you like to collect and display in our front window, in the kids bedroom. The toys you spent much of the money on that we should have been using to better feed and clothe the kids, and take them on the occasional holiday, perhaps to Europe where our friends live.

I’ve never agreed with your decision to spend our money this way, but you insisted. Also there has always been the risk hanging over us that somebody passing our home with bad intentions could throw a brick at your display in the window. You have been putting our children, and us, in potential danger, so I won’t miss those infernal war toys.

You are a grown-up. You should really act like one. You don’t need expensive toys to try and impress or bully others. Behaviours which demonstrate a caring and compassionate nature are far more impressive than threats.

Lastly, I’ve arranged a re-direct of your mail, for all of those bills you’ve been mounting up, the ones you’ve been telling everybody are my responsibility, down at your private club, when you regularly blurt out to all and sundry that I couldn’t survive without you, that you subsidise my income. Yes the town gossip told me that too. She’s constantly telling me how poor I’d be without you. She should be on the telly.

Those listening to you obviously don’t know that it is in fact me who props you up, and pays for your champagne lifestyle. I have done so for many years. You have even borrowed heavily using valuable assets of mine as collateral. No more.

Enjoy your new life on your own. Try not to hurt yourself too badly when you are cutting your nose off to spite your face. Also, try to learn to trust others instead of using them, or being suspicious of them. The kids and I are staying right here. Love is better than hate. We’ve got plans, big plans.




3 thoughts on “‘Dear British State…..’

  1. Wonderful! Send it to Oor Wullie , Tank rider Ruth and the Dumpling as well as Mrs May and her cohorts in the cabinet , the BBBC , Channel 4 , ItV and EVERY newspaper outlet.


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