Let the heavens quake and the seas part, casting small fish and plastic bottles asunder. Let the pies in Greggs run oot before lunchtime, the one o clock gun go off at twelve, and the Kelpies burp the essence of jasmine, for lo unto thee cometh a poll, an IpsosMORI poll, which proclaims that 50% of Scots agree that Scotland should be an independent country.
Oh joyful are the faithful, basking in a glow of mild glee, but naturally filled with caution, and guid auld Scottish foreboding, for it is only a poll, and poles (sic) are only good for haudin’ up tents said Margo, and foreboding at the thought of what is coming the way of thee and me.
For the forces of whinery, draped in all of their blind red, white and bluish nationalism, are set to unleash unto us a mighty and formidable force, Project Fearty 2, Dawn of the Dead.
This beast will be set loose, having been worked up into blazing Brexity rage, by being constantly shown pictures of Nicola Sturgeon standing next to various EU leaders smiling, in an effort to smite the stubborn northern peasants who dare once again to challenge the British state, a state which has recently changed its voicemail message to ‘ Hi, you’ve called at an inconvenient time, we’re between Empires right now. Please call back in two years if you wish to be colonised.’
Are we agreeable to being smote? Are we buggery!
There’ll be ringing of hands and shaking of heads, cries of ‘bitter and divisive separatists, families splitting, right foot toenails still not speaking to left foot toenails since the last campaign. You’ll destroy our country.’
There will be more think-tank reports than it is possible to read in the one lifetime. From the obscure to the Tory funded pet versions, all screaming from the highest mountains that Scotland is an economic basket case. We couldn’t possibly survive, we’ll starve,we’ll be a third world nightmare. We won’t qualify for the World Cup, ever again.
Poor granny will be getting pelters yet again. If she decides to stay and vote Yes, we’ll be taking her pension book off her, and looking for her to repay what’s she had from the state in the last ten years too. If she decides to leg it, hobbling off to spend the rest of her natural years in her caravan at Berwick we’ll never see her again, once THE WALL goes up.
Their will be fruitcake historians caught somewhere in an era between William of Orange and Adolf Eichmann lining up by the score to tell us we are narrow-minded dangerous racists in between polishing their commemorative coronation cups and plates. Our own esteemed historians, Tom Devine et al will be ignored or mocked.
It’ll be all about Nicola, as last time it was all about Alex Salmond. You, me and the hundreds of thousands of active Yes supporters don’t actually exist. It’s Nicola Sturgeon’s referendum, it’s only Nicola Sturgeon and the SNP who are agitating for this disruptive and harmful referendum. It’s her, it’s them, they are the big bad wolf. We are being led astray by them. We can’t think for ourselves. We’re cult members. A massive progressive movement marginalised.
Every SNP MP, Councillor, or well known Yes activist will have every move they’ve ever made scrutinised, again. Any link, any tenuous, or entirely false, allegation which can be drummed up with the headline words ” Severe blow for independence campaign as……” In front of it will be all over the media like the smell of a blocked drain.
There will be troll fishing. Well known unionist journalists, public figures and millionaire celebrities will drop derogatory comments about the independence movement into their social media feeds. The resulting fringe headbanger responses will be plastered all over the pages of the online editions of the usual suspects, the more spectacular efforts will hit the TV news. This will of course prove that we are all mental heed cases who sit in our bedrooms looking at a PC monitor in nothing but our pants and the blue paint we wear across our faces, as we howl at the moon.
There will be all of this, and much much more, because this time it really is crunch time for the UK establishment. Their backs are against the wall. They are defending their control and power. Last time they never believed, in their arrogance, that we would come so close. This time they will take us seriously
Will they win again ? If we play our cards correctly not a chance.