Dodgy Photographs

Breaking news that following yesterday’s sensational tabloid revelations of information being released accidentally by a Tory MP leaving a UK government meeting about Brexit, that it is thought that another embarrassing photograph for the government may have come to light. This time it appears that inadvertently snapped by a hack contract media photographer outside 10 Downing Street a photograph allegedly exists of Scottish Secretary David Mundell’s handwritten notes of the meeting in late October between the UK Government and the leaders of the devolved parliaments of Wales, Northern Ireland and Scotland.

It is thought that as Mr Mundell finished kissing Prime Minister Theresa May’s hand, and turned to walk away from Number 10, he failed to cover up the pages of the Pirates of the Caribbean sketchy book which was in his free hand, potentially revealing his erudite statesmanlike thoughts to the nation via the means of a powerful camera lens.

It is rumoured that the photograph shows very clearly the following notations…..

‘MEETING WITH THE DUMB AND DEVOLVED (OCTOBER 2016)

THERESA IS LOOKING PARTICULARY LOVELY TODAY. WINE IS JUST THE RIGHT COLOUR FOR HER. IT SUITS HER. I WONDER IF SHE WILL NOTICE ME?

ON THE SUBJECT OF WINE… SHOPPING LIST, CHABLIS, CLARET, GRENACHE, SOME OF THOSE NICE HORS D’OEUVRES FROM HARRODS…

OH WAIT, THAT DAMN WOMAN IS TALKING NOW……. OH GOD, SHE DOES DRONE ON. SHE’S GOT ONE OF THOSE COARSE GUTTURAL ACCENTS TOO… GRATING. GIVES US PROUD SCOTS A BAD NAME WITH THE REST OF THE COUNTRY. EVERYONE IS NODDING AT HER LIKE SHEEP, PRETENDING TO LISTEN. I DON’T EVEN THINK MOST THEM EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE IS SAYING.

DAVIS HAS JUST PASSED ME A SCRIBBLED NOTE SAYING “ I DON’T FANCY YOURS MUCH.” HAHAHA. I HOPE THERESA DIDN’T SEE THAT. SHE BRIEFED US EARLIER TO PRETEND THAT WE WE’RE INTERESTED IN WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY ZZZZZZZZ. THERESA IS A LOVELY LEADER THOUGH WHEN SHE GETS ANGRY. HER LITTLE NOSEY SQUIGGES UP. MUCH NICER THAN DAVID.

WHAT TIME’S TEA I WONDER? I HOPE THEY HAVE THOSE NICE CUSTARD CREAMS THAT THEY HAD THE LAST TIME I WAS AT A MEETING IN HERE. OH, THOSE CURTAINS ARE NEW.

OH SPEW! THEY WANT US TO WORK TOGETHER. ALL THREE OF THEM HAVE MADE STATEMENTS NOW, AND THEY THINK THAT WE ALL NEED TO CO-OPERATE TO ENSURE THAT THINGS RUN SMOOTHLY WITH THIS BREXIT THING. BLAH BLAH BLAH….BBBORING.

THERESA IS FLANNELING THEM NOW. SHE’S AWFULLY GOOD AT THIS. OH, THAT’S SURPRISING. SHE’S USING ONE OF THE BLESSED MARGARET’S QUOTATIONS. I’M NOT SURE OF THE RELEVANCE OF ST FRANCIS OF ASSISI? ANYWAY, THERESA KNOWS BEST.

HOW LONG IS THIS BLASTED MEETING GOING TO LAST? IVE GOT A LUNCHEON ENGAGEMENT AT WHITES WITH BARON FORSYTH OF DRUMLEAN. HURRY UP…..

HAHAHAHA…. THERESA IS SHOWING THEM A TELEPHONE WITH A PICTURE OF BATMAN ON IT……..HAHAHAHA….. SUCKERS…COMEDY GOLD…. DON’T YOU HESITATE… JUST RING THIS NUMBER AND DAVID DAVIS WILL BE ON THE OTHER END….AVAILABLE IMMEDIATELY FOR CONSULTATION. ‘ YOUR CALL IS VALUABLE TO US’……HAHA… BRILLIANT. THAT LINE IS NOT EVEN CONNECTED TO THE SWITCHBOARD……. HILARIOUS.. WAIT TILL I TELL MICHAEL. HE’LL GUFFAW ALL OVER HIS BRANDY AT THAT ONE…..

AW OH…… NIKLA’S TWIGGED…. THINGS ARE TURNING NASTY…..SHE’S STARING AT ME…. KEEP CALM…KEEP CALM….THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS….SHE’S STARING AT THERESA NOW…..

OH! THAT’S NOT CRICKET. SHE NEARLY HAD THE CABINET ROOM DOOR OFF IT’S HINGES THERE. DECEPTIVELY STRONG FOR A SMALL WOMAN…….

ON THE WHOLE I THOUGHT IT WENT WELL………..# NOTE TO SELF… FIND OUT WHAT ‘BOLT HEN’ MEANS……

It is thought that the Westminster press office has met with the photographer concerned and expressed the Prime Minister’s views, in the strongest possible terms, as to how she would feel should this photograph be released into the public domain. A final decision on which recognition of outstanding service the photographer is to receive in this year’s honours list has not yet been made.

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