Not Resigned To It

Baying unionist-owned media hack pack: “ Minister, your rail service, which you personally are responsible for, personally, is dreadful. You are incompetent. Will you resign?”

Humza: “ No it’s not. It is not perfect, and we are working to improve it, but it is not dreadful.”

Baying unionist-owned media hack pack: “Have you considered resigning? Your trains are never on time.”

Humza: “ Em, well actually most of the time they are on time. We have improved over the last year to nearly 90% of our trains being on time. We’re working to improve that further.”

Baying unionist-owned media hack pack: “ Compared to the rail services of the rest of our great and glorious United Kingdom ScotRail’s performance is woeful. Has resignation been in your thoughts?”

Humza: “ That isn’t the case. If you compare ScotRail’s performance on the key measurement used to monitor rail services we are better than the UK average as a whole. “

Baying unionist-owned media hack pack: ‘ Well, you are underinvesting in the rail system, which was once a cornerstone of our wonderful Union. Letting it go to wrack and ruin. You must be considering resignation?”

Humza: “ That’s not true either. Since this government took over we’ve invested 7.7 billion pounds to maintain and upgrade track, stations and trains in Scotland, and we are committed to a further spend of an additional 5 billion pounds up to 2019. On a per head basis, in comparison, that’s about double the amount invested in the rail network of the rest of the UK.”

Baying unionist-owned media hack pack: “ Yes, but the system is breaking down. You are cutting back, and isolating communities. Isn’t resigning the honourable thing to do?”

Humza: “Nope, you are off the mark with that one too. We’ve opened 13 new train stations since we took over, and are planning more, opening up more of our rural communities.”

Baying unionist-owned media hack pack: (Nervous coughing).

Humza: “ Listen guys, can I stop you there. Is it because I’m from the SNP?”

Baying unionist-owned media hack pack: (Awkward silence, shuffling of feet).

Humza : “C’mon, let me buy you all a coffee?”

Baying unionist-owned media hack pack: (Herd lightbulb coming on, swiftly changing tack) “ Here he goes. Just like Nicola Sturgeon. All he ever talks about is independence.”

Humza: “Who wants milk and sugar? “

Baying unionist-owned media hack pack: “Independence, Independence. Give it a rest. Minister, what our readers want to ask is why don’t you just get on with your day job? When will you resign?”

Humza: (Sighing) “Anyone for a tea cake? Or maybe you’d prefer an empire biscuit?”

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One thought on “Not Resigned To It

  1. The baying unionist-owned hack pack have been really cranking it up this week! It’s cringe worthy.
    Scraping the barrel of old statistics on NHS maternity services and trying to hammer through a headline lie. How many babies Nicola has allowed to die on the SNP watch? Utter tripe.

    Like

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