Crystal Clear

Now let’s go over to our outside broadcast unit in a park at the front entrance of a big conference hall somewhere not in Scotland.

Kezia Dugdale, as leader of the Scottish Labour Scottish Scottish party can you confirm for our viewers that it is raining at your current location?

“Let me make myself absolutely clear on this one. I’ve been consistent about this in the past, and I’ll do the same in the future. I am one hundred percent behind it.”

But is there actual water falling from the sky where you are?

“Look, let me clear this one up right now. I have been consistently consistent about this, we have to unite, we have to continue to be committed to our fundamental principles.”

Yes, but is the pavement you are standing on wet?

“Oh, come on. I cannot be any clearer than what I’ve already said. I have intimated to you consistently my view on this. We have a plan, we are committed to that plan, and I aspire every day to see it through. It’s what gets me up in the morning.”

Let me put it to you another way. Can you see anyone sheltering under an umbrella?

“I don’t think you understand my answer. I couldn’t be more consistently clear. I am committed to working towards uniting the party, but the party must want to do that first, and that is what I intend to do this week.”

Are you saying that there are puddles in the carpark beside you?

” Now you are trying to put words in my mouth. I never said anything like that. I never wrote that in a newspaper article. The time has passed for division. We must clearly and consistently unite. We are the world. We are the the children.”

Okay. Moving away from the hard questions. Kezia Dugdale, as the leader of your party in Scotland, can you foresee a time when your party will once again become a dominant force in Scottish politics?

“Gordon I can confirm that it is raining here. It’s pouring down”…..

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2 thoughts on “Crystal Clear

  1. Crystal Gale.
    I fear you’ve been a trifle harsh on someone who’s been persistently consistent on insisting her consistent persistence is anything other than absolute clarity.
    Why only this morning in her efforts for absolute consistency, were it not for that unfortunate ‘Crystal Gale’, she’d ‘a been giving her persistent and consistent speech on fundamental principles in Scotland somewhere, anywhere; instead of in a provincial heartland just south of the zip-line. (Excessive wind can be a right pain, eh?)
    So it’s time to lay of Kez, Kezza, the Kezzfella; she’s doing a persistent job consistently well. Well fundamentally … consistent …. to her consistently principled stance on party unity and union. And to prove it, look no further than her persistent call for The Corbyn to be proclaimed ‘Leader Aff’ and to all get behind the fella. Her rapturously consistent applause when the result was announced, absolute proof of her persistently consistent commitment to a fully autonomous SLAB, united in harmony with …. emb’dy that’ll listen.
    Unfortunately, naebody is!

    Liked by 1 person

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