A Piece Of Cake?

You put your right-wing in, your right-wing out, your right-wing in, and you shake it all about. You do the Brexicoaky and you turn around…that’s what it’s all about.

Boris, the man with the plan when it comes to high level diplomacy involving foreign types (celestial beings of all faiths and denominations please save us) has let it be known, as we edge ever closer to 100 days in the dark, that he, David, don’t call me Dave, Davis and Theresa have got this cancelling Grand Britannia’s subscription to Thomsons 2018-19 Explore Europe holiday brochure lark under some sort of control. Are you confident? I think there may be grounds to say not.

Horace Wimp, or Colonel Blimp style Boris, in his usual mumbling and stumbling manner, reckons the Article 50 missive will be wending its way south to Brussels sometime in early 2017, firing the starting pistol on what will be yet another extraordinary and chaotic period in the life and times of old Blighty. Further to this our furry friend also reckons they won’t need two years to carry out the separation process. Oh really? Yes really. In Boris’s world he imagines the leaders of Europe sitting round a dinner table weeping into their plates of spotted dick as cigar in hand, he makes a Churchill-like speech evoking empire and his solemn sorrow at the thought of parting. “However you’ve brought it on yourselves Fritz and Pierre. If you’d only just let us keep sending our nationals to live on the sunny coastlines of your countries, without sending us any of yours, none of this would have happened”.

In reality Boris and his buddies are doing exactly what they and their rabid media pals accused the Yes Campaign of doing in 2014, having false confidence in radical change to your own advantage taking place as a result of the compliance of an agency which is out-with your control.

If the result had gone the other way in September 2014’s referendum there may, or may not, have been a currency union agreed between neighbours to allow both to carry on using the pound. There was no impediment to this, all it required was the will to do so. We’ll never know.

However, the Brexiteers have an inflated opinion that somehow or other ( is it the arrogance of long gone empire again?) that the European Community are going to let them have access to the single market on similar terms to their current trading arrangements without the “burden’ of the other responsibilities associated with being a member, they’ve said so. Bearing in mind that in 2014 there were only two parties involved in the debate over a currency union, there are twenty-seven other member states of the current EU. Do you think every one of them is going to agree to another country having more favourable terms than a member state? Keep dreaming Boris. Your chances of achieving that? The middle of a doughnut!

Get the late night cocoa and brandy on your night stand, and flick the telly to your old recording of “Last night of the proms”. Land of Hope and Glory will be on in a minute…

When that Article 50 letter gets delivered the strange rumbling sound coming from the north that will be able to be heard as far south as Westminster will be the sound of placards, flags and banners coming out of cupboards and being dusted down, ready for the winning campaign ahead.

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