Eck : “Ahh it’s yersel! How the Devil are ye Cammy? Hivnae seen ye fur ages. Yer lookin well. Ah wiz beginning tae think ye were avoiding me. Is that no’ great that ye managed tae get the Armed Forces Day set up in Stirling fur the same day as the 700 year commemoration of the Battle of Bannockburn oot at the Monument. Smashing timing that.”

Cammy: “Oh yes Alexander. We thought so, me and my team..I mean, my strong and secure alliance of UK togetherness political colleagues and I”.

“I said to Milly, Milly old boy, what do you think of us arranging a show of strength around Sterling Castle? Milly of course, was overjoyed and pretty quick in his agreement, He thought it was a splendid idea, and wanted to know if there was anything he could do to help. We have a close bond you see, Milly and I. We see things the same way. We both love our country. This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England.”

Eck: “Aye it’s a great day for Scotland. Whit a fortunate coincidence. The Stirling area has never been so popular…..suddenly. The only downside is that it’s so busy around here that my wife has been stuck in the queue for the Thistle Centre car park fur the last two hours, and she was only going fur a few messages”.

Cammy: “Sorry about that old chap….You should get her to start an account at Fortnum & Masons like my wife….They deliver you know, all on expenses”.

Eck: ” You’ll need tae speak a bit louder Cammy. Ah cannae hear ye fur the sound of those jet engines. Those red, white and blue contrails marking out the word ‘NO’ in the sky above the castle are really clever. How many letters can they do at the one time? Anyway, I take it you consulted your party’s representatives, and the opposition, here in Scotland too, before working out a date for the event?”

Cammy: ” Oh yes, of course I did old man….. Ruthie was beside herself with joy. She loves tanks you see, and JoJo, well JoJo was more interested in whether I prefer ermine or sable, for her cloak in the House of Lords, which she’ll get when we disband this little Hollyoaks circus you have up here and she comes back to ‘real’ politics. She reckons sable matches her eyes”.

Eck: “Achh well, that’s nice. It wiz great tae see the troops on show anyway, and now that you guys have decimated all of the magnificent Scottish Regiments, with their great traditions and long histories, that won yeez yer bootie in the first place, I can tell ye that we’ll certainly have a need for the brave laddies and lassies of the Jocks come March 2016.

Oh and anither thing whilst I’ve got ye here… Hows about you and I getting the gither on national telly fur that debate I keep askin ye for?……………Cammy, Cammy?…. Come back, yer heading the wrong way… South is the other direction.”


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