Oh for the bygone days of Sunday night helpings of “Spitting Image”. The producers of which would have a field day caricaturing the current crop of Westminster rubber-faced self servers.
Picture the scene. Up stands Davis in the chamber, the chap who was unfortunately caught short and spending a penny right at the moment when volunteers were called for at the first new Tory Cabinet meeting to become Minister For Exiting Europe.
Clearing his throat he begins..”Brexit means Brexit! We’ll have lots of Brexity things, there’ll be cake, tea and scones and Theresa has promised to do that card trick that she did at last year’s End the Human Rights Act Christmas Party”.
To his right a bumbling white haired mop-topped aristocratic buffoon shakes his ample frame and gazes up, eyebrows first, at the assembled Commons saying loudly, to be heard amongst the catcalling, “We’re also having T-shirts made with slogans ‘Bye Bye Froggy’ and ‘Auf Weidersein Fritz’. We think they’ll be big sellers. He accompanies this statement with loud guffaws, awfully pleased with himself about how witty he is.
To Davis’s left sits another man, one with a vaguely Scottish accent when he speaks, who appears to have the sole function of gazing sideways at the opposition, rather than straight ahead, where normally political opponents should sit, smiling and nodding in a superior manner every time Davis speaks, and running his tongue around the inside of his cheek to highlight the verbal flatulence which distinguishes Brexiteerial parliamentary oration.
Up comes the shout from the Scottish benches “So is that it then? After all of this time that’s all you’ve come up with as a policy to lead us through this disaster that you’ve caused? What about all of your promises before the EU Referendum? What about the immigration policy that you were obsessed with? We’ve heard that your Prime Minister has ruled out the Australian points system. Is this correct?”
Eager to please and suddenly sure of himself Davis rises to his feet quickly ” Ah that’s where the Honourable Member for somewhere cold, subsided and north, somewhere with sheep, has got his facts wrong. I can confirm for the House that this government are looking very closely at adopting an Australian style migration system, the one they used up until around 1973″.
Where’s that survey site……