The Betrayal Of Wullie

Nikla Sturgeon
Bute Hoose

Dear Nikla

Hiya. This is just a wee note tae let ye ken that I’m fair raging at yooz, and because ahm ur, I’ve had a blether wae the Scotsman and telt them how yooz are letting me, and the peepul of Scotlin, doon.

I thought that we were pals efter that mad Brexit gig went aff, but naw, you’ve went and ruined it.

We wur aw relying on you coming up wae some sort of solution, seeing as you’re the only wan wae any sort of clue aboot anything, tae aw this Eurovision malarkey, but you just had tae bring up Independence.

Kez and I are mad keen tae stay part ae the Britpop empire, that Mel C can fairly haud a tune, but also would still like tae continue to be in the Champions League, even though that scary wummin in London just laughs like a hyena every time somebody says the word consultation.

For some reason, and we cannae work oot why, neither of our parties have been very popular wae the folk ae Scotlin since we formed oor wee cozy relationships wae the Ruth Davidson party (Don’t tell her, but I think they call themsels something else when Ruth’s no’ listening). In fact, I’m proud tae say in ma case, we wiz actually in government wae them at one time, good that eh?

Anyway, I should have guessed you wid come ower aw freedomist. I even telt the Scotsman that the Martians would know that, and they would you ken, cos I talk tae them regular like.

I’ve got tae say I’m also fair scunnert wae the fact that ye hivnae even asked me my views on a future strategy for Scotlin. You bring in aw these experts, like that Twiglets fella wae his Nobel Peace Prize, but neglected tae consult me. If ye had asked for my opinion I might even have then formed wan.

Onyways I’m fair disappointed that you’ve no’ got us oot ae this disastrous mess and are only thinkin of yersel, and five and a half million others.

Love n hugs

Wee Wullie

P.S. “No Borders ya bass”

Like it? We’re gonnae plaster that slogan on the side ae the 137 Circular bus tae Kelty. I didnae work in PR for nothin ye ken.


One thought on “The Betrayal Of Wullie

  1. Recently returned from warmer climes, only just read Wee Wullie’s tome and am fair impressed with his command of the English patois. Oh, and his suggestion of circular battle-buses with the pithy slogan of “No boarders ya bass!”, Wow! That’s a winner! So much so, he may even disappear up his own Ahm away Ally, see ye. 🙂


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