The Land Of Make Believe

Joy of joys, the United Kingdom is saved. In as shrewd a states-person-like move as is ever likely to be witnessed it appears that the brand spanking new wipe away the past Prime Minister of Britain,Theresa May, has appointed Aaron Sorkin’s TV characters Sam Seaborn and Toby Zeigler to write her speeches for her. She’s gone all inclusive.

No more will young black men walking along the streets late at night be stopped and searched by the polis just because they are young black men walking along the streets late at night.

By this time next year white working class (I thought Tories didn’t believe the class system exists anymore?) boys and girls reaching the age of 18 will be eagerly filling in the entrance forms for Oxford and Cambridge by the score, presumably unencumbered by having to pay for the privilege because in their case Daddy doesn’t manage a Hedge Fund. Also previously state educated professionals will receive preferential treatment when it comes to promotion by their employers and women in work will be beneficiaries of the May Doctrine Dividend, equal pay with their male colleagues, or higher.

In addition UK citizens with mental health issues will soon be crying out for a return to the halcyon days of their previous ignored anxious solitude, scunnered by the constant knocks at the door or shakes of their shoulder, as they lie under old blankets in shop doorways, by legions of health professionals trained to provide specialist care and assistance for them.

Remarkably too, previously profitable funeral companies in post-industrial, formerly underinvested in communities will have staff sitting around twiddling their embalming fluid coated fingers waiting for the locals to reach the age of 90 (certain sections of society seem to be able to hit that age as a matter of course) before they become customers.

The future Westminster government is going to be about the people. Mrs May is going put more control in the hands of the electorate because “For an ordinary working family life is much harder than many people in Westminster realise”. No shite Sherlock! Is she seriously suggesting that this fact has just dawned on them?

No longer will the views and requirements of the one percent be a high priority. They’d better start hiding more of their money in better places then. Does she also mean that we are to lose the trickle down economy that never trickled, or even dripped occasionally? Oh look, there’s a pink elephant flying over Big Ben.

It’s all going to be amazing! What about squirrels though? What is she going to do for the squirrels?

Having just presented a damning indictment of the government that went before her curiously Mrs May plans to lead in the same spirit as her predecessor, whose true legacy she says ( and I nearly lost consciousness as a bit of sausage roll went down the wrong way when she said it) “is not about the economy, but social justice”. Eh?

I seen a statistic yesterday which suggests that when Humming Dave ( One love, one heart, let’s get together and feel alright) came to power 61.5k people in the UK relied on Food Banks. That figure now apparently is 1.1 million people. Social justice? Pull the other one.

The “Hootsman” has a classic headline on one of it’s articles this morning about the rise of the new Prime Minister. Alongside a photo of said lady and her husband waving to the press pack at the door to number 10 Downing Street are the words ” PM May vows to defend Union and fight social injustice”. That must be the best oxymoron seen around for a while, oh and good luck with that one.

Scotland please get the hell out of this circus. The Mad Hatter doesn’t have a look in.


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