The Baw Is Burst

That’s the ba’ burst noo then folks. it’s time for us to give up. The stunning unexpected and resounding victory of the Ruth Davidson Forward for Unionist Scotia Flag waving, Province of the Privileged Party has struck the cause of self-determination for Scotland a mortal blow. We are feenished (I’d better stop writing words in our native tongue seeing as it will be banned soon). It’s no’ really a language anyway apparently, just a series of grunts, according to our detractors.

Ruth’s victory, as trumpeted by the BBC, STV and the Scottish print media, over the forces of separatism was of such a magnitude that there were rumours that First Minister Sturgeon was seen at the weekend reading a copy of Napoleon Bonaparte’s much thumbed easy read travelogue ” Things to do on Saint Helena.”

Exciting times are ahead for us now that Scotland has at last embraced Neo-liberalism in all its glory. Within ten years Glasgow and Edinburgh will surely have joined together into a wondrous city-state, filled with bullet trains and huge cigar and egg shaped skyscrapers to house the massive financial and corporate business which will be heading our way. This new Scotland will no doubt be also buoyed by that old blight of previous Scottish governments oil and gas coming out of hiding once the global price returns to normal. The privatisation of Food-Banks can only be but months away.

In this brave new Scotland full of entrepreneurs, wealth creators and trickle downers those wishing to get on the front foot will want to get in early on the health business. There is big cash to be made out of serious illness, misery and infirmity. I would suggest Ruth, in her new powerful position, may wish to consult with her colleagues down at headquarters, Mr Hunt et al about the best way to pave the way for a policy for a new pay-as-you-go healthcare system. They can surely provide her with some tips. The politicians of Ruth’s persuasion down there have had loads of contact with health professionals providing them with advice recently, usually from behind a placard in the middle of Whitehall right enough, and using language ending in the word OFF, but good advice just the same.

She can definitely start by getting rid of the free prescription charge scheme.. What a preposterous idea that was allowing Scots to not be financially disadvantaged by being ill or having long term debilitating health conditions. What Bolshie bastard thought that one up? It’s almost human and not a profit in sight, madness.

Of course culturally under Ruth we’ll be moving back to bygone days when the the fitbaw was generally in black and white, before the Corries were well known, which means for sporting events all Scottish representatives will return once again to standing to attention to the dirge about the old lady in the expensive hat rather than all of that blood and soil pish about rising and being a nation again. Hey Ho it’s just a song. it’s great that “Thingummyjig” will be making a comeback though. You can never get enough of eight-some reels and lyrics aboot Granny’s Heiland Hame. It’s going to be so comforting being back in our boxes again.

Although there will be many changes to Scotland as it has previously existed up to now nothing at all will change with regards to the media in Scotland, they are doing just fine thank you, although I don’t fancy the National’ s chances of making Christmas under the new Unionist dictat.

……..and then the alarm went off and Ruthie woke up.

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