The Many Faces Of Dave

Having taken a couple of days out mainly to spend precious time with some of my adorable wee grand-weans, and after coming to a decision to step away from the news headlines when I saw the other day that five of the six leading stories on the British Broadcasting Corporation’s news site were about a certain old lady’s birthday,( I swear I could hear a sycophantic gushing sound coming from the website too) I had a bit of a glance this morning at some of the non Regina headlines I missed over the weekend.

I see Davie the born-again tax enforcer (no evader shall go unpunished, no rock will remain unturned, unless he went to school with whomever is under it) has been accused by the Lib-Dems in a new book of telling his coalition stooge Nick Tuition Fees Clegg, whilst talking about the continuing unrelenting momentum for self-determination in Scotland a couple of days after the referendum, that ” I just don’t care, we’ve only got one Conservative North of the border, let Labour sort it out.”

Surely not? This clearly must be misrepresentation of the man’s words. Bearing in mind that at the beginning of that same week, whilst kleenexing dreepin snotters and tears off his big red puffy fizzer, he told a room full of “typical Scots” (they were hand picked, vetted, and certified Tories, and securely locked in the room in case they tried to escape or any real typical Scots managed to get in) that a Yes vote would be “the end of a country that launched the Enlightenment,that abolished slavery (after using it very effectively for years, along with trading lucratively in mind altering narcotics, to help build an empire), that drove the industrial revolution,that defeated fascism…..etc”

As if that wasn’t a powerful enough statement he finished that part of his speech by saying, that ” It’s only became Great Britain because of the greatness of Scotland.”

What a guy. He loves us dearly. Forget all of that EVEL nonsense too immediately after he’d had it confirmed that Project Snake-oil had secured a No vote.He didn’t really mean that he wanted to punish Scotland for having the balls to try and step off the Titanic’s sister ship, the RMS Neo-liberal, to safety, by making their democratic representatives second class and legislatively ineffective at Westminster.

We’re always on his mind. See how quickly he has dashed up to help out Ruth Davidson in her Scottish Parliament campaign? Oh, he hasn’t. I’m sure that will be rectified any day now.

He particularly likes our strategic positioning to store the horrible war toys that he rents from his corporate chums across the pond, away from causing any damage to places that matter if something goes wrong ( but a stone’s throw from Glasgow and the Central Belt). He’s also mad keen on staying in his seat on the UN Security Council, where he gets to wear big boys trousers and pretend that he’s a World Leader (keep taking the tablets Davie).

Oh, and then there’s the small matter of our natural resources, and particularly the one which has propped up his and his like’s spending over the last 40 odd years. He argued in the same speech quoted earlier that ” if you don’t like me, I won’t be here for ever. if you don’t like this government, it won’t last forever” as a reason to vote No in 2014. In 2016 moving forward the same argument could be used to say that the price of oil at record lows won’t last for ever either, and who will benefit from that again? It won’t be Scotland.

 

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