Sturgeon In Peking Duck Scandal

I can exclusively reveal through sources at one of Scotland’s strictly impartial daily newspapers, who can really kick the arse out of a non-story, and do it to death, that First Minister of Scotland Nicola Sturgeon has signed a shooge financial deal with a Chinese corporate fast-food noodles-while-you-wait giant “Haw Yu”.

“Haw Yu” will be opening fast food outlets in all Scottish towns, cities and crofting communities luring Scots away from their traditional lunchtime fayre with free spring rolls and prawn crackers.

The Chief Executive of the peak body who oversees the regulation of burger vans and chip shops, the United National Food Industry Technicians (UNFIT) is said to be “pure beelin'” and considering an appeal. He hasn’t worked out to who yet but you better believe a strongly worded letter is going to somebody important. The SNP are no’ getting away wae that!

Our source at the daily newspaper has further suggested that an investigative team from his publication are on the case as they’ve seen documents that state that “Haw Yu” s parent company “Heer Yu” are also considering a bid to completely take over Scotland and turn it into a Game of Thrones theme park when the rain stops.

No doubt when that story breaks their readers comments section will be worth reading.


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