And With One Bound He Was Free

All in the garden of England is rosy. Spring is sprunging like a springy sprunging thing would do whilst it was mad wae it on the Buckie.The Pimms and canapés are being served on the croquet lawn, the loyal trusty handyman/gardener has been given the afternoon orf, and the wholesome BBC and Rupert’s chaps and chapesses at the satellitedrome are doing their very utmost to make sure that the strains of “Jerusalem’ cover the rustling sounds of panicky public school professional politicians stuffing fifty pound notes into pillow cases.

No no no, there were no protestors marching on Downing Street at the weekend seeking the resignation of a certain pasty-faced, sweaty top lipped, but plucky, hero of the British State.

A large crowd did however gather outside the Grand Connaught Rooms simply to be able to tell their grandchildren, if they manage to survive long enough whilst eating from food-banks to have offspring, that they were there on the day the statesman-like leader of the Bullingdon Club Westminster Taxation Advice Bureau announced his grand plan (he’s been working on it for ages and ages, honestly he has, absolutely ages) for a stonking new law to crackdown on tax evasion. Such charisma, such forward thinking, and such a coincidence, topical too, what a guy!

Apparently you could hear the assembled multitudes outside the conference room loudly cheering his every word and chanting his name,with the occasional oink, so impressed were they with his Kennedy-like pronouncements. Several of the crowd were seen to be arguing over which world leader he was the most similar to in his abilities and style, Mandela? Martin Luther King? Winston Churchill’s dog? The poodle won by a clear majority.

His government has “done more than any other to take action against corruption” he says. Wow! That is a pretty big statement to back up. I’m sure we’ll be looking forward to hearing more about that when he expands on it in Parliament today. The members of the House situated around him at the time may wish to adopt some weatherproof attire for the occasion as the sweat will surely be spraying off the fellow, if his conscience overcomes his brass neck that is.

From a Scottish perspective please watch out and beware First Minister Sturgeon and former First Minister Salmond. As part of the chaotic smokescreen designed to confuse voters and influence public opinion into thinking that tax evasion amongst politicians is actually not really a bad thing, because look we’re even pointing the finger at those SNP Baaad Jocks too, you guys will be under even more scrutiny than you have been before, a priority A on the target list of the rightwing unionist media. No matter how clean your finances are.There will be some spurious outrageous allegations flung your way soon, particularly at Alex Salmond.

The whole charade of Westminster politicians now falling over themselves to put on public display their tax returns is purely cosmetic, just to give them, they hope, a bit of breathing space from public disgust at the hypocrisy of their personal financial behaviour whilst telling everybody else to pay their taxes on pain of shame, prosecution and penalty. If the moolah is being spirited away into trust funds in places like Panama and the Virgin Islands that information will only show up if they declared it for tax purposes, which they won’t have.

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